Terror By Night

Chapter 26

There's a rush of hot air as the room fills with the breaths we've all been holding unconsciously. Sarah and Zoe's gazes shift between Xavier and I. Zoe speaks up. "I think now would be a great time for Sarah and I to check on breakfast. We'll take a walkie and check in with you if there's any food to be had at the trough. Come on Sarah." Zoe gives Sarah a light push towards the door while snagging a walkie off the shelf nearby. "We'll grab Nolan on the way. Be back soon." She throws a knowing look to me over her shoulder on her way out. She senses it's time for Xavier and I to have a private chat. 

I sink back down into my chair. My body feels as though it's been put through a marathon. I didn't know emotional stress could be so physically draining. Xavier watches me warily, slipping back into his seat. He's probably scared I'm going to flip out again. What would be the point? It accomplishes nothing and only makes me more stressed.

He waits patiently for me to speak first. I remember what Grandpa Ben would say. I can hear his gravely voice in my head tell me, 'Don't be a coward. Honesty is the best policy'. Thanks Grandpa. Even a few hundred miles and months apart, I haven't gotten away from them. I smile just a little.

"You've really surprised me today," I tell him with a rueful chuckle.

He cracks a smile of his own. It's the first one I've seen on his face all day. I almost feel bad, but it's his own fault. My guilty meter is running low at the moment. He says, "Just when I think I've got you figured out, you throw me a curve ball. You can say we're in the same boat."

I hold back my snort, barely. "I don't see how you can compare my mild curiosity to your long-con. You really had me fooled."

His body stiffens slightly, but his control kicks in and he forces himself to visibly relax and exude nonchalance. I've begun to realize what a façade it is. His eyes do nothing to hide the sting my words inflicted. What he projects to the world is nothing but a carefully cultivated persona. He may have convinced the rest of the world of his apathy, but I've always sensed there was more beneath the surface. Xavier should move to Hollywood. Or maybe, he's doing exactly what he's meant to: spy training.

I feel the bitter tinge to my thoughts. I can only follow that road so far. I pull them back from the edge of cynicism and say, "You have to know how hard this is for me."

He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "I get that suddenly everything you believed about your dad is a lie. I can't tell you how to process all that. How could I? I can only give you the truth I have. You have to reconcile it for yourself. But I'll answer your questions honestly."

"I know that Xavier. But what you don't get is that I can more easily come to terms with his deception than yours. He had a job to do. What's your excuse?"

He jerks back from my words. "I was doing the same thing as him."

My temper's rising. It causes me to jump to my feet. "How can you sit there and say that? What job did you have? Were you paid? Are you interning for the CIA? Are you his apprentice? How long were you going to keep it up? Forever? Our whole relationship is built on a lie!" I end with a shout that brings him to his feet.

Xavier stalks forward to stand an arms-length away. "What's really bothering you? The idea that someone paid me to pay attention to you, or that super-smart Layken Prescott hadn't figured it out?"

I never thought I could be a girl that would slap a boy. For the first time in my life, I understand how a person could be pushed to it. I take a couple steps back. I need the safety of distance or I might give into temptation and do something I really would regret. "That was an awful thing to say," I hiss.

Xavier runs hands through his hair, his major tell of frustration "You're right," he says. "That was unjustifiably rude."

Tears prick my eyes. The word honesty flits across my thoughts. I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them, I catch his intense stare. I can't help the sniffle he hears. It makes him frown. I let my grandfathers words push me to do something I never thought I'd have the nerve to do. I inhale loudly. "I had this weird idea that we were friends. So, yeah, it hurts to think you were only here this whole time because my dad told you to do it. Actually, it's the worst." I swipe angrily at tears which disobediently leak from my eyes.