The Color of Truth

nine: aris

Greysen just needed to see his home. I was happy to fulfill his request because I get it. He needs some sense of 'this is where I came from' and that's to me, is completely understandable. The drive is short and eerie. We're both silent and the tension is so thick you can literally feel it weighing down on both of us. It's not like we're going in? Why is this so scary? "Grey we've gotta go by quick. My dad is still working on getting you inside to get your things remember? So we don't want to make it harder for that to get approved." I told him. My voice becoming almost a whisper because I could just see him hurting as we pulled passed his house.

Everything looked the same, it just looked like Greysen's house behind the yellow police tape. That was the only sign that a double homicide/attempted murder had ever occurred here. "Air." Greysen said quietly. "I know Grey. I know." I told him as I grabbed his hand and held it tightly. Partly for him and partly for me. We pulled over across the street for a minute and just stared at his house, the house he was raised in and the house that we both grew up in. It was crazy to think there would never be anymore movie nights with his mom, or backyard camping trips with his dad. I loved that house. I loved his mom and dad and all of it was just gone.

But I couldn't be sad in front of Greysen. I was his rock right now and I needed to remain that way. He needed me. "Can we leave please?" He said, tears on his cheeks and looking at me with pleading eyes. "Yeah Grey of course. Let's go back to my house." I told him, giving his hand a small squeeze and then I put the car in drive and began to pull down the road. I took a second at the stop sign to turn and look back at his house.

And I swear I saw the silhouette of a man standing in the upstairs window, in the room I knew belonged to Greysen. "What the fuck!" I yelled as I slammed on the breaks and U-turned. "Aris what are you doing?" Greysen gasped at me. "There's a man in your room Greysen, I saw him standing at the window!" I yelled, my emotions no longer easy to hide. I was terrified and it showed. I was shaking and screaming, two things I didn't often do. "It was probably just a shadow Aris, let's go home. I don't want to be here anymore." He said putting his head in his hands and looked down. "You're right. I'm probably overreacting and I'm sorry I didn't mean too. I'm trying really hard to keep my cool in this for you Grey but I'm scared too." I told him, immediately feeling guilty but also still sure I saw the man at the window. I shouldn't have said anything to Grey. I just couldn't leave without making sure I saw him. Greysen didn't respond. He kept his head down and I drove home.

We got to the house, and I grabbed the 22. Rifle dad kept by the front door and Greysen and I scanned the whole house, locked the front door and reset the alarm. Grey still didn't say a word, he just walked upstairs and went into his room. And I knew it then, I fucked up. Greysen and I always talked it out. We never walked away sad or angry. But today was different. Today was way to much for him. I should've made Tanden shut up about his conspiracy theories. I should've told him no when he suggested we drive by his house. I just thought it would bring him a sense of closure or closeness to his parents. I guess I was wrong.

So I walked upstairs, put my backpack on the chair in my room, completely encased myself in blankets and began to sob. Sob because my best friend was hurting and I couldn't save him. Sob because I was scared and sob because I was tired. This had all taken such a great toll on all of us and I was finally breaking to it. I welcomed the pain. It felt nice to feel again, in the safety of my own company not having to try to save anyone else's feelings. I cried until I fell asleep, escaping into sweet nothingness just for awhile.