Revelations and anguish

8

A short 'Perth POV'

I blinked my eyes open as I felt rays of sunlight touch my face. I was numb all over. Last night.....last night I thought.....I dreamt of something wonderful. The lover I thought was long lost to me, sang me a song of love and affection. I closed my eyes, trying to replay that dream in my minds' eye. It seemed so real. It made me smile, but it also made me cry; for it'll only ever be a dream, gone like smoke whence I open my eyes....

***

His gorgeous eyes opened as soft morning light caressed his sweet face. They looked dreamy and closed again. A soft smile graced his lips and tears slipped out of his eyes. I bent forward and kissed them away from the cheek close to me, brushed them away from the other; only to be replaced by more. I didn't stop.

"....P'Saint....Where?" his voice was a pained whimper. My heart crushed at the hurt in his voice.

"I'm here baby Perth...." I crooned back at him.

He kept whimpering my name, questioning where I am. I kept cooing back at him telling him I'm right next to him. I asked him to open his eyes and look at me.

"Then no P'Saint........"

"Babe?" I shook him slightly.

"P'Saint there.....only in dreams...."

I froze. Anguish crashed through me like the waves of a stormy sea when he said that. What do I do? I couldn't force him to open his eyes. He thinks I'm a hallucination even if he does. What went wrong? How did this go so far?

I grew more and more desperate as he refused to open his eyes claiming I will disappear. In utter despair I took his hands and held the palms to my cheeks, the cheeks I know he loves so much, the cheeks he loves to touch.

"I'm here baby. You can feel me, right? You know they are my cheeks, yeah? You love to hold them remember? Please open your eyes and look at me na. Look at Saint na. Please baby.....please don't do this to me......please.....please Perth, baby open your eyes....."

My tears fell on his face as I begged him to open his eyes and to please look at me......

A short 'Perth POV'

I felt rain on my face.....and his voice asking me to open my eyes. I frowned. I can see my baby Saint here. Why would I open my eyes and lose sight of him? But why am I out in the rain? I'll catch a cold and become a nuisance to my baby. I should get out of here. But it's so comfy here. And I can feel something soft in my hands, like two cotton balls. Dream-Saint is so wonderful to me, like long ago.....before everything. But I'll have to open my eyes and find a place out of the rain first. Then I can sleep again.....

***

His stunning eyes opened again, finally.

"Perth! Oh baby....." I nuzzled his cute nose and cheeks.

"Saint is here with you na. I'm really here baby. I'm not going anywhere ok? This is real. Last night was real too. I love you my little tiger. I love you so very much Tanapon. I know I haven't been a great boyfriend to you these past few months. I know you deserve so much better than you got but I can't bear to let go of you little one. I'm sorry my love. I'm so sorry. Forgive me na. Please forgive Saint. Please baby...please just take me back.....I'll do whatever....anything you ask I'll do, except leave you, but please forgive me baby please....."

"P'Saint?" I felt his small hands pushing at me.

"No! I'm not letting go. I won't. I can't.....rather kill myself.....Tanapon please...bab..." I inhaled sharply and fell silent as he laid a thumb on my lips. I stayed frozen, afraid that a single move would break whatever spell that made him touch me willingly, intimately.

"P'Saint?" his voice reminded me of a newborn kitten. I stayed still. He looked at me confusedly. Then started stroking his thumb across my lips. He brought his sweet face close to my neck and inhaled. He sniffed me a couple of times more. Then fell back on the pillow.

"P'Saint." He said more confidently and nodded to himself. Then he looked back up at me.

"But what are you doing here? You have to be at a shoot, now right?" my eyes widened in amazement. Then my lips twisted helplessly in a wry smile. Trust Perth to remember my schedule word for word even in the middle of earth-shattering crisis. My considerate lover. As always.

"I'm not leaving you here. I won't leave this house till you believe in my love for you again. I won't move till you are utterly convinced and confident that I'm irrevocably yours, that I would look at no other but you."

He frowned at me, making me feel like a naughty child protesting to go to school. Perth had that effect on me.

"Suppapong Udomkeawkanjana!" I cringed. Urgh! Why does he have to sound like my mom? It's scary when he does that. Most of the time, he takes the submissive role on bed, but when he gets all wifey and pissed, it's plain scary. I decided to cut him off before he started a tirade of how I shouldn't miss work and blah...blah....

I pouted. I know he is weak for that!!!!

"Perth doesn't want Saint around?" I asked, blinking cutely and getting all sad. He sputtered and I grinned evilly in my head. My whipped boyfriend.

"That's not-No-I didn't mean it like that!" he finally spat out.

"Then why is Perth chasing Saint away?" I whined at him. He dropped his gaze.

"You know that's not it. I just....don't want you to miss work. It's important." He mumbled.

Ha! Saint-1, Perth-0. I smirked and kissed his forehead. "You are more important to me Perth." I was back to being dominant Saint.

"Look at me baby tiger." He did. Words died on my lips yet again as our eyes met. He always gets me tongue-tied. It's always like the first time; his eyes speaking more for him than words ever could express. I kissed him again to break eye contact so I could get my thoughts together. Maintaining eye contact with him makes me want to do other things to him and this is not the time for that. Still, I looked him straight in the eye again.

"I love you, Tanapon." He searched my eyes and I laid myself bare to him, letting all emotion bleed out of my eyes. All the guilt, all the love, all the lust. He blushed at that last one but held my eyes. He finally looked away, seeming unsure.

"I-I know." Another fake-not-fake smile. Not meeting my eyes. I frowned.

"No, you don't. You think I have something with my screen-partner." He opened his mouth, no doubt to lie again. I gave him a stern look making him shut his mouth.

"I saw you one night. You were hurting. And it looked like it has been going on for a long time. You never told me you were upset. How could you do that? You know how important you are to me. What made you keep quiet about it? Talk to me." Hiseyes filled with betrayal at my words.