Lo Siento

4~ Wrapped Around Your Finger

Screaming at the top of my lungs 'til my chest felt tight (Ah ah ah)
I told myself that I'm never gonna be alright

“Stop,” Calum whined, playfully pushing Ashton’s hands away.

Ashton grinned his dimply grin and ran his hands through Calum’s hair again. Calum gave up trying to push away and sighed, leaning into his touch.

“You should dye your hair,” Ashton suggested.

“Mm?” Calum mumbled.

“I reckon blue. Or maybe a blonde streak. Maybe even full blonde. I mean we can always try pink.”

Calum giggled. “I am not going out with pink hair!”

“Should we make a bet of sorts?” Ashton grinned.

Calum laughed. “No! I’m not getting pink hair!”

Ashton grinned. “Worth a try.”

Calum sighed happily and held Ashton’s hand as they walked. This is what he missed. Happiness. He and Ashton hadn’t been on a date in a year. Ashton promised he would always take care of Calum years ago but he didn’t. This time, when Ashton said he would give up drinking, Calum believed him. He wanted to have faith in his husband and believe he could do what he said he’d do.

“So did you enjoy your lunch?” Ashton asked.

“Yeah, it was delicious.” Calum smiled.

“Spag-bol right?” Ashton asked.

Calum nodded.

“So I’ve been thinking...”

Calum looked at Ashton, gulping nervously at the sudden seriousness in the situation. The two stopped in the middle of the road on a side street and faced each other.

“You never went to therapy so I thought about how I can make you happy again.”

“Ashton, what do you mean?”

“Calum, you’ve been moping around for over a four years now. She’s gone. She’s not coming back.”

“Ashton-”

“We need to have another kid. You need to take your mind off Joy.”

Calum stared at Ashton, bewildered.

“You mean, replace her? I can’t do that, Ash...”

Ashton ducked slightly as a pigeon flew over his head.

“I’ve already called the surrogation place we used last time. We’ve got an appointment next week.” Ashton shrugged.

“Ashton, no. We’re not replacing Joy.” Calum spoke firmly.

“It’s not just for you, it’s for me. I want more kids, Calum.” Ashton spoke firmly.

“Ashton.”

“If you won’t give me the opportunity for more kids, I’ll find someone who will.” Ashton threatened.

“Ashton! What?! You don't-”

“Make a choice Calum. More kids or I leave.”

Calum was flustered. He didn’t expect this sudden change of events and didn’t know what to say. He wanted Ashton to stay more than anything but he didn’t want to replace Joy. He couldn’t do that to her.

“Fine,” Ashton sighed.

“Ashton, I-”

“Why can’t you just give me what I need?”

Calum suddenly felt anger boiling inside him.

“Why can’t I- Oh my god. Ashton for years you’ve had me wrapped around your finger! I do everything for you! I cook, I clean, I suffer through your abuse towards me! Emotionally and physically! I don’t want to replace my only daughter and you can’t fucking make me! For all I care, leave. Abandon Michael and I just like your father did to your mum and your siblings. Abandon us like you abandoned Michael back in high school. Honestly, you’re so pathetic.” Calum spat.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt terrible. He knew how sensitive Ashton was about his father and what happened to Michael.

“Whatever. Whatever! I don’t fucking care who you compare me to. You know how I feel about my dad and how I feel about my past self. Fuck off, fuck you. Don’t fucking call me.” Ashton spat.

Calum blinked. The words didn’t even properly process in his mind until Ashton shook his head and walked away.

“No, wait!” Calum begged, grabbing Ashton’s arm.

Ashton yanked his arm away harshly and snarled. He put the finger up at Calum and walked away, down alleys and out of Calum’s life, again.

Calum choked on a sob and fell to his knees. He punched the road beneath him, not caring that it grazed his knuckles, making them bleed. He heard the rumble of a loud car from a distance but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything but what he said to Ashton. Calum was a dick to him, no doubt there.

All Calum wanted to do was to forget Ashton. He just wanted to forget what he’d said, forget what he’d done and forget him. He didn’t regret the actual marriage but he wished he’d never bumped into him on the swing set at kindy. He wished Ashton never came over to him and asked if he was okay, putting his hand out for a handshake with those adorable fucking dimples. If none of that ever happened, he wouldn’t be feeling the pain he was feeling now.

Calum looked up, hearing that the car was still rolling along. His heart rate increased as he saw the car coming towards him at sixty kilometres an hour, with no obvious intention of stopping.

He gasped, covering his face with his arms to shield his eyes from the light.

He felt the car smash into him. He didn’t know what to expect but definitely not pain as bad as this. The car collided with his chest. He was knocked back, his head smashing on the cement. His arm flew to the side and got run over by both left tires, crushing it. He couldn’t really comprehend anything after that but he was pretty sure he had screamed bloody murder.