Illusion

ONE

KYAAAAAA

I woke up because of a loud scream from my mom so I immediately got up from my bed and went out the door. There I saw my mom sitting on the cold floor in front of my twin's room while shaking uncontrollably.

"M-mom what's wrong?" I asked and tried to take a peek on my twin bedroom door. Upon seeing the reason behind my mom's reaction, my heart beat stopped, I started shaking, tears pooled on my eyes unstoppable. I can't breath.

"Ashley..." It came out as a whisper. I wanted to shout but I can't. I tried to move my foot but failed. "A-ash-"

"Asher, don't!" Someone grabbed me from the back. I tried my best to let go of my dad's hold but he just tightened his grip more. I tried so hard and then finally... I freed myself from his grip. I ran as fast as I can to my twin's room.

Ashley, my twin, who used to be my happy pill is hanging on the ceiling with eyes half closed... Lifeless.

With my eyes so wet with shameless tears and heart so broke, I lifted my hands to touch her but before I can even lay a finger on her cold, cold feet someone shouted my name.

"ASHER!"

I woke up. It was a dream. No. A nightmare which I have been dreaming over and over again for the past three months.

"Asher. Glad you woke up," mom cried while hugging me. She saved me, for the nth time, from the nightmare. She wiped the cold sweat on my forehead then the tears on my cheeks that I failed to notice. I wanted to speak but no words escaped my trembling lips.

"Calm yourself please? It's just a dream," Dad who's standing few steps away from my bed said with a hint of concern. Mom offered me a drink. I can't do anything but to stare at them. They stayed beside me until I fell asleep.

I woke up in the next morning feeling exhausted. It was a typical Sunday morning wherein my family will attend the mass and will spend the whole day in the cemetery after. I went to my bathroom and fixed myself. I wore a high waist denim pants and a simple white shirt, my usual Sunday outfit.

We never missed visiting Ashley on the cemetery because that's how I want it. It's been three months and four days since she left me, us and until now I can't still understand why she needed to gave up here own life that easy. I felt betrayed by my own sister because she left me all alone. She's my only friend, she's my savior, she's my mood.

Tears escaped on my eyes the moment I sat in front her tomb. I can't still accept it. I thought we were perfectly fine, I thought she's just fine. I thought... So I can't help but to blame myself. If only... If only I asked her what's wrong. If only I knew what's on her mind. If only I was a better sister to her. If only... I thought of her too like how she's concerned about me maybe she won't choose to leave, forever. Maybe Ashley won't feel she's alone.

"It's my fault," I whispered and cried even more. I feel like the blame is really on me. I want to be angry at her, too. Because she left me. She was the first one who broke our promise that we won't leave each other's side. We're partners, the best buddy. We share the same thoughts, we feel the same feelings. Or so I thought?

I thought we're buddies, Ashley? Then why'd you left? Why didn't you tell me what you're goin' trough? You always rant that I am so secretive to you then what did you do, then? What happened to 'no secret' policy?

"Don't say that, Asher. It's no one's fault. It's your sister's choice," mom hugged me from behind and started crying too.

I hate it. She's always been my side when I'm in trouble. She never left me when time comes at worst. She's my shoulder to cry on. She's the best sister, friend, adviser, enemy. Between the two of us, our parents likes her most. She's jolly and friendly while I'm not. She always laugh and I don't. She's so easy to please while I was so cold but she loves me dearly, she understands ---always. I hate how she always cheers me up but then she never gave me the chance to lift her mood. I hate how she force me to tell her what's on my mind but didn't gave me the opportunity to know what's with hers. I hate how she promised me she'll always be with me, but left.

Ashley, my twin who used to be the mood maker of the family was gone. She left and took my happiness. I lost her and I feel like I also lost myself too