Illusion

FIVE

I groaned when I tried to get up from my bed. My head feels heavy maybe because I stayed very late last night. Even though I still want to stay and lay in bed, I can't.

"Asher, you're going to be late!" Alec yelled from the kitchen. Trying to wake me up.

It's Friday and I still have classes to attend to.

I went straight to the bathroom and finished my morning rituals before joining Alec on the kitchen.

"Morning, Alec." I greeted.

"Good morning, sleepy head." She smirked. She's still on the stove so I went straight to the cups and made a coffee for two. I also prepared the table for us.

"Are you going to attend for the year end party? What are you going to wear?" Alec asked upon she started eating. My faced automatically wrinkled upon hearing the word 'party'.

"I don't know about that." I simply answered. She gave me a sarcastic smile like she was saying 'I know right' .

And I was right. As we eat breakfast, she keeps on telling me how hell of an outcast I am.

"I never thought that being a total outcast was true in our world. Those outcast I read on books and watch from movies? I mean, look at you. It looks like you don't really exist!" she said.

How I wish I can do something with my attitude. I know so much that it was me who has a problem. I chose to isolate my self. To distance my self to everyone. I just feel like I don't need them... or maybe that's how I felt before because Ashley was... still with me. Sad.

But sometimes, I think it was fine. I am fine alone. I don't need excess baggage. They won't stay anyways... People always leave and you know what's the saddest and most painful part of being left behind? It's when you were so comfortable with them then eventually they decide to go and leave because they just feel like it. And you'd be left... thinking why did they left you or where did you go wrong.

Indeed, people come and go. And never forget that people, even those you thought would stay, would leave you at one point. And when that time comes, all that you have is yourself.

That's what's in my head when I went out our room to attend class. I didn't even noticed If I bid Alec goodbye when I went out because I was so occupied with my thoughts... again.

"I can almost hear you thinking,"

"Holy--- What the shit is wrong with you?" I yelled almost tripping from my shoes! He's like a freaking mushroom! He appears anywhere and anytime he wants! And the HE I'm talking about is none other than Illude.

"You were thinking too much, Asher. Stop it." He said and I just rolled my eyes at him. This brute really think he knows me too well. Me? Thinking too much? Well... really? What was I'm thinking again? Wow, I forgot! Thanks to Illude I don't remember what's on my mind before he disturbed me.

"Can you just go wherever you're going? You know you can just go straight to your destination and stop bugging me. That way, I can be peaceful," I said sarcastically.

"Can't I walk you to your class?" He asked mocking me.

"Why would you? We're not friends!" I spat matter of fact. The hell with him?

"We're not?" I almost laugh at his confused reaction. It's like he's really concern about his 'friendship' with me. Good for me I was able to stop my self from giggling.

"Tsk. Never mind," he hissed the moment he got over his confusion. "And you are my destination," he smiled that made me froze. I felt my cheeks heated and I don't know why there's something weird in my stomach.

Instead of talking back, I just stayed silent. I want to fire back but what I'm feeling right now is too much that I couldn't let my self think straight!

I bowed my head a bit to avoid his gaze while I continued walking. I am silently praying he won't notice my sudden silence but then I heard him chuckle.

"Wow, news flash! Asher didn't fired back," he mocked. Damn him!

I stayed silent until we reached my classroom. My plan was to just continue ignoring him and just go inside without looking back. That IS definitely my plan but all of a sudden...

I almost choke myself when I turned around to face him. I know for sure that I'm almost red and he confirmed it when he let out a small chuckle. Shit!

"Are you embarrassed now, Asher?" He asked still mocking and amusement was etched on his handsome face. I rolled my eyes then look away to hide my embarrassment.

"Go inside now. Your prof would be here sooner," he smiled still amused and then I saw Mr. Carter on the hallway.

I look at Illude and he gave me a nod. And then I did the weirdest thing I ever did my whole life!

My lips curved for a smile before going inside the classroom. It's too late when I realized what I did!

Why did you smile, Asher? You should have rolled your damn eyes! Ugh! Now, I felt embarrass even more.

It wasn't long enough when Mr. Carter went inside. Then I remembered Illude. Where do you think is his first period? I don't even know his strand or what grade he's into. Maybe I should ask him next time?

I tried looking at the window to see if Illude was still there. I felt a bit disappointed when I saw no one outside.

Wait, what? Disappointed? Where the hell did that came from? Ah, I'm going nuts!

The discussion went on and hell I'm not listening. My mind isn't with me. It's roaming somewhere far.

And then I remembered Alec's words.

"It looks like you don't really exist"

Am I not?

Well maybe yes. I don't. But then when Illude came into the picture and started to annoy me. I feel like I wasn't the 'non-existing' Asher anymore.

A small smile crept in me when I realized that in the sea of students around the university, he saw me---and that made me existential.

I remember his face when he keeps on insisting that we're friends. I smiled even more.

"Maybe it's time for me to reconsider my belief about friendships, huh?" I mumbled.