The Missing And The Found

#16

        Dear diary,                                                                                       march,18,2009 

Today I hung out with shy and our friends its sucks to think this will be the last time i see them probably forever i hate to think i'm leaving Shiloh i hugged her and kissed her goodnight and i laid with her for awhile even after she fell asleep i just laid their and watched her i cried a little trying not to let my tears run down my chin on her her face or the pillow shes one of my best friends yea i know shes 7 but shes so amazing and shes so mature its insane i would love to watch her grow and mature into the amazing little girl shes gonna turn out to i remember the first time i held her i was so happy and i told my mom i was never letting her go that i would always be their to watch her. i hope she doesn't spend a lot of time upset and worried about me i want her to live her best life possible she will have Ari and Jenny and Bry plus Jake and Alex to protect her and be their for her one day they will all understand. One day shy will hear from me i hope its before the worst could happen shy i don't know if you will see this mom and dad will probably lock my room up and never let you in well if you do know that i am sorry and that i will always and forever love you and this in no way is your fault, i had so much fun with the group and i wanted to let the drag on but it flew by so fast. I should get to bed goodnight 

                                                                                                                                             XOXO, skylar.

      I noticed some drops of water on the page I realized that I was crying at the bottom of the page their was a picture taped to it of me and sky I was a baby seeing the smile on her face made me start to sob underneath the picture there were some dried wet spots and some scribbled words that seemed to make out my baby sister always and forever ill love you. 

i closed the drawer and her diary picked up her computer and walked out of her room to my bedroom being in their gave me so may memories i sent the computer on my desk walked down the stairs to see my mom and my dad sitting at the kitchen table like they were waiting for me my dad stood up and ran over to me as i started to sob even more and he grabbed a hold me me as i collapsed to the floor in a breakdown i was a mess my mom rain over to me and all i could hear was them talking to me her sobs and screams they were muffled i could hear my dad begging me to say something so i let out jumble of words

"WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME HERE ALONE WHY DID SHE LET ME SUFFER ALONE HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME" i yelled out crying my dad picked me up and carried me to the couch and just held me as my mom followed on the phone with someone she hung up the phone and was at my fathers side my dad started to sing he sang a song that sounded familiar 

 I remember tears streaming down your face When I said,  "I'll never let you go"When all those shadows almost killed your light  I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight Just close your eyes The sun is going down You'll be alright No one can hurt you now Come morning light You and I'll be safe and sound

 I hadn't realized I stopped crying and i just laid their and my mom spoke up. 

"Do you want to talk about what you found" i stood up and ran up stairs grabbed her diary and then i ran back down i opened it to the last page and handed it to her sitting down next to my dad as she read she started to tear up she looked at me and the tears started to fall down her face 

"Where did you find this" she asked she sounded a little angry with me i didn't understand why 

"In Skylars desk in the bottom drawer" i said honestly and she just stood up and she looked even angrier. 

"I'm gonna ask you again Shiloh and Don't you dare lie to me where did you find this at" 

"I'm not lying to you i found it in her desk i swear it" 

" There is no way you found that in her desk because if you had the police would have found it first now i think you took it a long time a go and just now remembered you had it how dare you you are grounded no party this weekend no going out after school and no Jake for a whole month do you understand me Shiloh Alexandra Marie and i mean it."   i stood up 

" Are you fucking kidding me it was in her desk I am not lying to you how dare you sit here and accuse me of lying when you have been lying to your whole family this whole time late shifts at the hospital yeah right." i stood up picked up my phone and called Jake to come pick me up. 

As soon as Jake pulled into the driveway i walked over grabbed the diary and walked out the door and got into Jake's car.

"What happened? you sounded super upset when you called and it sounded like you've been crying whats wrong shy?" he asked like the concerned boyfriend he is and all i could do was shake my head no and start crying again he sighed and pulled out of the driveway and we started driving down the street. 

I must have fallen asleep in the car because when I woke up we were still driving I had no clue where we were I looked over at Jake to see him glace over at me 

"Where are we going?"  he looked at me then back to the road and just said 

"You'll see" i was so confused and the i saw the sign that said you are now leaving Plattsburgh and then a few mints later their was a sign that said welcome to Beekmantown and the it hit me like a ton of bricks and i looked at Jake and asked him one more time even though i knew i just needed to be sure. 

"Where are we going Jake" he looked back at me and said you should know where were going and then we pulled into the cemetery and he drove right up and to the row I refused to walk down the day she was declared dead. Jake walked around the car and opend my door then the backseat door and pulled out a boque of yellow roses and he held his hand out to me and waited for me to take it so I slid my hand into his and we walked down the isle. We stopped  infront of her her grave jake let go of my hand to put the flowers in the little plastic purple vase. Jake turned to me wrapped his arms around me and just held me. 

"even though the coffin is empty it still feels like theres still a part of her here" Jake looked down at me confsed 

"wait the coffins empty" I totally forgot to tell him anything because I passed out.

"Yes the coffin is empty lets go get some food and ill expain everything,Okay" he nodded his head and we walked back to the car and started our drive to the diner back home