Hana's POV
Everyday was the same at school. I came in to lessons I wish I didn't have to be a part of, talk throughout them, avoid the teachers glare, share funny stories, jokes, and a load of sarcasm and then make it out without being called out by the teacher in the end for behaviour reasons or homework.
"Yeah exactly, that's what I said. I mean it's stupid to involve yourself in someone else's argument, the "messenger" is like the worst role, you get all tangled up in the mess then at some point, when everything's sorted out, you have an awkward relationship with both parties, and somehow all the blame comes onto you," I leant back in my seat slightly rocking it with my hands behind my head, "I speak from experience" I say with my eyes closed.
When I open my eyes, i find the witch teacher standing before me, her arms crossed staring down at me with her eyebrows raised. I almost fell from my seat. "Ugh miss... hi" I smiled shyly. I watched as my pen slowly rolled and fell from the table. I quickly pick it up and click it so the tip popped out.
"So, I'm guessing you've finished? Ok, great you can read your argument on what sea defences are best for the eroding land in Figure one. Don't forget to talk about stats and figures; that means cost prices." As I stared at her dumbfoundedly and tried to come up with an excuse, the bell rang.
"Yes!" I whispered, and hurriedly packed my things into my pencil case, with a wide smile. I put my bag over my shoulder when I noticed her smiling at me. Smiling. Oh God this couldn't be good. "I'd just like to remind you Miss Hana Ahmed, that the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do" She announced casually. Oh well, rather get it over and done, out the way, right?
I spent less than 2 minutes presenting my argument when she lifted her hand, "that's quite enough," she sounded appalled, a look of disgust on her face. Wow I really did that bad huh? She spoke once more, "From what you've said I can only understand that you haven't done your research homework, and if you have it's of extremely bad quality." I stared at her with a you-know-way-more-than-you-should kinda look.
I mean she did, all the adults around the building did. Male, female, teaching, non-teaching, acquaintances, ones I've never met, and ones I know too well. Didn't make a difference. My secret wasn't really a secret anymore, but it taught me one thing; I have trust issues that I need to fix, not everyone deserved to know. The reason I kept it a secret was not to be judged by the students, but reality is much stranger than you'd think. And I didn't like it one bit.
"Am I right or am I right?" She said with a pitiful smile. We both knew she was so I left it rhetorical and unanswered, I didn't think she needed one anyway. Most of the time I could tell she feigned her anger with me. In reality all she felt was pity. Pity. The feeling felt when you know your student is capable but just doesn't try.
"Hana stay behind at the end please" she quickly looked away and dismissed everyone row by row. After our short discussion, about homework, health, family and everything else I just didn't want to talk about, I left the room for the 3 minutes of break I had leftover with a sigh.
Everyone knew how I was. I was usually kept to myself in most situations, not everyone liked me, I never actually knew why though, maybe it was my awkwardness, my bluntness or my uncaring attitude to many things. Well, apart from the occasional bursts of sarcasm and jokes in class and the constant hyperactivity with my friends of course. Friends.
I don't really know who's my friend anymore. Trust may be a small word, but it holds so much weight. Hard to gain, easy to break. An unusual concept that I can't really decipher. Maybe because I've never trusted the right person before. No one could ever see through my facade. I was so good at faking my smiles, my laughter. My happiness. My satisfaction. Everything really.
It took me time, yes. To keep my emotions to myself, stop my eyes from tearing up, and talking without cracking my voice. Laughing at everything even if no one else did, an excuse to let tears spill down my cheeks.
Smiling at everyone, those I knew, those I didn't, those that talked of me, and those who don't really care if I exist, those that I see through the car window sitting for a bus, without a jacket or umbrella in the pouring rain. A smile can change someone's life. Sometimes I get one back, other times I don't. I guess that's all I need sometimes though. A genuine smile.
Ever since one person of our group of 6 left last year our friendship group broke apart, I felt something missing, everyone seemed.. different. I have no shame in admitting that for the past year or so I didnt have a permanent friendship group I can call my own. I had atleast 4 which I migrated between. Each one different. One quiet, one loud, one well behaved, and one... not so well behaved.
I loved them all to say the least but I was not extremely close to any of them, so I wasn't invited to most things, and if I was, I always declined, because I guess I knew I'd not be allowed anyways. I felt so alone despite having so many friends. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. If it's just me, or others too.
YOU ARE READING
Things Left Unsaid
Romance"I thought you know though, you always do, why are you doing this?" She said as she cradled her face in her hands, shaking, "Is it even necessary?" "I could ask you the same question. Was it necessary? Why can't you just tell me the way I tell you...
