MY RESOLVE

Episode six

MY RESOLVE EPISODE SIX

QUDRAH

I woke up for qiyyamul layl with Ry. We said our morning adhkar but while Ry stayed on the prayer mat to recite the Qur'an,I walked out the sliding door overlooking a beautiful morning sight on the patio. There was a reclining chair,I sat on it still on my jelbab and recited the Qur'an as slowly as I can. Though I might not be fluent but then the tajweed classes Rihannah has been drilling for sometime now came handy.

I read for few minutes while the dinner scene kept wafting in and out of my thought.

     "Would he ever find me attractive enough? He wouldn't. I'd always be a little girl to him. I don't even measure up to that Meerah's beauty or sophistication. She might be the daughter of a minister,president, ambassador....but me,I'm only a daughter of an honest cab driver and a petty trader of a mother. I've never felt sorry for our financial condition until that wolf took advantage. I hate that man and he sure will pay! I've always been an upright girl,never got involved in any hookup with guys while in high school. I'd a dream of how perfect my wedding night would be-my virginity a priceless gift to my prince charming. But that buffoon took it away from me. He did,yeah but I made it worse. How could I have decended so low to this level. Ya Allah,you forgive sins Ry always tells me about how merciful you're,please forgive me for every single sin known or unknown. Help me to control my urge" I kept praying to my creator silently.

One thing needs to be done. I picked up my phone and called Rey.

"AbdurRahman As salaamu'alaykum"

"Quds, what's with you? What's with this name and greeting?"

"You're a Muslim,aren't you? And that's your name,or isn't it? "

"Yeah,I get. First it's AJ now it's you. That covered thing is playing kite with you guys brain o"

" Ry is a bae not a thing. I just called to say that I want out...."
"Want out?"
"Yes...I don't want whatever it is we've anylonger"
"Where's this coming from Quds?"

"From my heart to you"

"I doubt if you'd one because if you'd you wouldn't call me so early when all I'm thinking is how much I've missed you and just realized that I love you to tell me such"

"You love me? How?"

"I don't know,really. It's strange to me too"

"AbdurRahman,all we've been doing is Zina and it's one of the greatest sins and I just want to stop that,focus on improving me and worshipping Allah"

"You will be like her now, right?"

"You mean Ry? Of course I want to be like her. Just so you know she gave me some jelbabs and I've decided to start using it"

"You want to be all covered up?"

"Yes,any problem?"

"I can't allow my woman to be that way. You'll look so backward, uncivilized, unattractive"

"Didn't you say you love me?"

"Yes I did but not the you you want to become"

"We're on the same page then because I don't like the you that has refused the acknowledge that you're a Muslim above anything else AbdurRahman"

"Whatever. Just don't speak with me again. I can't show you off any longer"

"You don't need to say,I won't. Yes wouldn't want you to since I'm not an object for attention"

I ended the call abruptly and couldn't stop the tears. I sobbed like a child who has been denied food.

"It hurts,right?" I spun around when I heard that voice.