Push Me

4: Anders

"I didn't mean to, I swear! It just... happened!" I was shaking, a mess of guilt. 

"Anders, I need you to calm down. Please." Seb's hands were on my shoulders, a pitiful attempt to stabilize me. 

"Are you going to call my parents?! Please don't - please!" I couldn't face disappointing my family any further. 

"I'm not going to call anyone. These guys will take care of it, I promise. But I think you should go. Are you okay to get back by yourself?" He said. I shook my head. "Well, call a friend or something. I have to deal with this... situation." He turned, leaving me standing alone. I pulled my jacket tighter, chilled by the cooler temperature of the site. Wait. Shit. What was she doing there again? Was Clari Bradley following me? My head still slightly fuzzy, I walked over to her. 

"Hey. Clari, right?" 

Only a few minutes after Clari left, James arrived. He said nothing, despite the fact my panicked call to him hadn't contained much of an explanation. Silently acknowledging the body, he pulled me up the stairs and back onto the surface. The lights were fulling dimmed now, only streetlights illuminating the paths. We walked for a while in total silence, neither of us uttering a word. Only when we were in the elevator, did James speak. 

"Are you ok?" His voice was quiet against the rumble of the elevator, but I still heard him. I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. Then I burst into tears again. He didn't reply, just pulled me into a hug. 

I felt like shit the next morning. My mouth dry, my head pounding. I checked the time. Ten past noon. Had I slept that late? Seven messages from James. I owed him an explanation - big time. We met at a cafe in the colony's center. A nice little place - not too mainstream. The coffee was the same as every other cafe's on Mon's, but I could've sworn this place watered it down just a little less. James sipped his drink, seemingly unfazed by the previous night. He and I had been friends for a while, first on Earth when we were younger, then again on Mars. He was wealthy, but it was all family money. He was in permanent residence with his family, but we still hung out. Tall and with lightish brown curls, he looked older but was barely my senior. Once again, silence hung in the air. We'd exchanged a few words that morning, the usual 'hellos' and 'good mornings' but otherwise - nothing. 

"Did I do something wrong?" I said, breaking the quiet. James put down his coffee. 

"No. I don't think so." He fiddled with the flimsy cloth napkin on the table, silent again. "You didn't tell me it was your birthday yesterday." He said after a few moments. I coughed, nearly choking on my drink. 

"Are you kidding? Is that why you're mad at me?" I rolled my eyes. "God, you're so petty."

"Keep in mind you pushed someone off a balcony less than 12 hours ago. Awfully bold to be calling me petty." 

I grimaced. "Sorry. Well, now you know." 

He smiled. "I forgive you. For now. Just try not to push anyone else to their death, ok?"

I chuckled, happy to be on good terms once again. But still, a thought crossed my mind. "So you didn't leave the card then?" 

James frowned. "What card?" 

I shook my head. "Nevermind."

"How are you feeling? You don't look so good."

"Not too great, actually. I think I might go lie down." I stood, giving James a farewell wave. He returned the gesture, then tossed a few credits on the table. Slightly jittery from the coffee, I decided to take the long route back in an attempt to walk off my nerves. The same panicked feeling had stuck around from the night before, and the thought of being still and quiet for any longer gave me a headache. So yes, I had lied to James. The path I'd taken winded behind most of the tall buildings, hugging close to the sloped walls of the dome. A few fake trees dotted the edges of the path, overshadowed by the skyscrapers behind them. The path was almost completely deserted save for the occasional couple taking advantage of the privacy. I couldn't help but feel like someone was watching me, following me. Of course, I checked behind me every few seconds, unable to shake off the sense of being tracked. 

I entered my familiar hallway once again, the elevator doors closing behind me. That morning, the hall was quiet, people either out with friends or still sleeping through to the afternoon. Outside, red sand swept up past the window, the muted sound of a windstorm banging on the glass. I stopped, standing on the tips of my toes, trying to glimpse some of the landscape. In front of the mountains, tunnels ran off into sturdy rectangular residential buildings, not too different from my own. Other tunnels led into hexagonal domes, workplaces that housed the machinery of the colony. Water purifiers, air filters. The works. Earlier in the year, when I'd first arrived, I'd been given a short tour. It was an obvious plug to try and recruit me into the internship program - but I have zero skill with mechanics. Although, I almost wished I taken the chance. I missed having a purpose. I moved away from the window, tearing my eyes from the scene. Huh. That's strange. I could've sworn I'd locked my door. But now, the handle swung easily against my grasp, the fingerprint scanner dark and quiet. "Hello?" No response. Inside, the room was as dim as I'd left it, shadows cast in sketchy patterns. But even with limited light, I saw him. An older man, standing in the corner of my room. I swallowed hard, stepping forward. Behind me, the door swung back. Not taking my eyes off the man, I fumbled for the lamp switch behind me. Brightness flooded my eyes. He stepped into the middle of the room. 

"What do you want?" I whispered, not fully prepared to do this again. 

"You're a murderer, you know that? You make me sick." 

"It was an accident."

"Accident my ass." He spat the words out, weapons on their own. 

"I'm sorry. Really, I am." I backed up, my fingers curling around the lamp behind my back. "Did you know him?"

"You killed my brother, you motherfucker!" He was yelling now. I had a firm grip on the lamp. 

"And like I'm said, I'm sorry!" I gently lifted the lamp, praying he didn't notice. 

"You'll pay for this, I swear." He snarled. As he started towards me, I quickly thrust up my hand, swinging the lamp across his head. It wasn't extremely heavy but was made of a dense enough metal that an audible thunk could be heard as lamp struck skull. His eyes rolled back in his head as he sunk to his knees. 

"What the fuck, Bell?" A wavering voice floated into the room. Clari. Again. Was she the one following me? "The door was open." She muttered, her eyes fixed on the unconscious man on my floor. I stumbled to my feet, slamming the door closed behind her, making sure to close the lock. I rubbed my temples, scanning the room for rope or something. Grabbing my left sneaker, I started to pull out the laces. I paused to look up at Clari. 

"You mind?" I nodded toward the other shoe. She silently picked it up, mimicking my movements. When both laces were loose, I kneeled to knot them around his ankles and wrists. Leaning back on my heels, I sighed. Clari sat perched on the edge of the bed, watching me intently. 

"What are you going to do with him?" Her voice was shaky, nervous. 

"I don't- I don't know, ok?" I looked up, seeing the skeptical expression painted on her face. "I'm not going to kill him."

She slid off the bed. "I think I'm going to go now."

"Wait," I grabbed her wrist. She pulled back immediately, tugging free of my grip. Fear rippled across her face. "I'm not a fucking murderer, Clari."

"You sure about that? Because the fact that there's a man tied up on your floor would imply otherwise."

"An ALIVE man."

"Not for long."

"Just stop!" I was inches away from yelling. Clari reached for the door. I sighed. "Please. Just.. help. After this, I promise you never have to speak to me again."

"Fine."