Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 1✨

✨Everything I wanted✨

❄️Woojin POV❄️

"WOOJIN!"

A familiar voice woke me up from sleep, well, more like a familiar scream. I yawn while sitting up tiredly. It's a typical November morning, cold, raining and foggy. I like this weather, it shows how I often feel. Cold, sad and depressed...

My life changed much since the "restart". I became skinnier, prettier and more athletic, but on the other side there was this unbelievable self-hate in my heart. Sometimes it feels like I can't stand it anymore and I'm breaking, cracking, slowly and painfully, every piece of me dissolves and there's nothing I can do about. It just happens, and happens, and I feel too often like this. I can describe these emotions, those feelings so well because my heart is breaking everyday. Any time.

My band members don't know, and if they knew, they wouldn't care. I'm anyways only their so called "mom" that needs to make their breakfast and cheer them up when they don't feel alright, but who cheers me up, when I'm breaking down and sobbing on the ground. Nobody does, because there isn't a so called "mom" for me. But I'm thinking too much.

And that was the moment when Changbin runs into my room and speaks angrily, "Woojin, we're waiting for about ten minutes, come downstairs and make breakfast."
"Why it has to be me..." I whisper, but get interrupted.
"Because Chan's job is it to make the songs, the dance line is doing the choreo, so this is your job, to be the mom. Don't let us wait that long!" Then he throws the door shut loudly, so I wince slightly.

"...that you don't care about at all," I finish my sentence. A single tear left the corner of my eye, but I wipe it away like always quickly and stand up, going to the others.

They were already waiting for me, looking hungry, tired or angry. Only Jeongin, being the happy little kid he always is, greeted me with a simple but cute "good morning, Hyung".

When I serve them their food, they all are immediately eating it. But of course some aren't satisfied with it, so Jisung speaks up, "there were times, the food tasted better!"
Yeah, there also were times, I was happy and we all lived perfectly together. But those are over. Nevertheless I can feel tears forming in my eyes, again. I just don't understand why I'm being so fragile and weak.

I quickly finished eating and went into my room again. I was sharing it with Chan, but I don't need to lock the door when I'm crying because finally not even the leader cares about me, so even if he noticed me crying, he wouldn't come in. He would just do his stuff, his songs like always, not even looking back to our room, not even thinking about me or why I am in such a bad state.

Well, why am I like this? Is it because of the hate? Of our members? Or has JYP anything to do with it? I wish I could answer those questions. But how should the others know, how should anybody know when not even I know the answer.

Another tear slipped out of the corner of my eye and I quickly wiped it away. I don't like to be or to see me that weak, it makes me feel pathetic.

After some time I can put my fake smile on, again. So I go back to the other members and sit with them. Needless to say no one asked where I went. I wonder if they even noticed...

But I don't care about this. I don't want them to notice. But I want a place I can call home. A place where I'm safe. A place where I don't need to cry. Where I don't need to be afraid of anything, and where those bloody scars, this hurt in my heart and all my wounds can heal, where they can disappear as if they would have never been there.