Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 25 ❄️

❄️Broken❄️

The kiss was exactly one week ago now, but we haven't talked about it yet.
The week was just kinda too stressful for both of us and I didn't wanna bother him in any way.

We finished dance practice for today and are eating dinner now. Everybody is so exhausted and tired, no one's saying a single word. But that's fine. The silence is kinda comfortable.

Sometimes Chan just looks at me and gives me a caring and loving smile, which I can nothing but return. I blush so often, for example just when I feel him staring at me. It's unbelievable, that boy can turn my face in a red mess so easily.

After dinner we all go to the living room, talking about some random topics, some are checking Twitter, looking for good and bad comments. The problem is that mostly the bad comments are against me. And because of this Minho speaks up.

"Tomorrow we're gonna practice the dance to our new song together, Woojin. Stays think you're the worst dancer, so we need to do something. Just practice more with me."

"But I need to practice singing with him tomorrow. Our fans do also think he so the worst singer," Seungmin interrupts him.

Ouch...

That really hurts me. And again I am the topic because I'm the worst of us. There's that familiar sting in my heart, those words are burning holes in it, ripping some pieces off and tearing it apart. How often do I need to hear this? How long will it take until they realize that they are breaking me, that it's killing me? How much more pain can I take until I suffocate in it? How long do I still need to feel weak until somebody saves me?

Chan...
Channie will save me...
He wouldn't hurt me, he would never. He told me he would protect me, he wants me to be happy. I'm save with him. He will fix me and he will repair my broken heart.

They are reading some comments out loud, but I can't listen to them. I concentrate on my feelings, I try to calm myself down, to let those few tears in my eyes disappear quickly, before anybody could notice.

I'm feeling broken, I don't feel like I'm strong enough to listen to them. I'm feeling lonely, though I'm not alone. And again there is the urge down inside of me to just leave everyone behind and run away, just forget about this time and about the others, about all those comments and about the heartache, the pain, the sting.

And then, when the comments get worse, I look to the others. And that's the moment when I feel the right rope around my throat cutting off the air, strangling me...

Chan hasn't been looking up from his phone for even one second I guess. He just stands up and walks out of the room, without saying a single word.

I thought he would be there for me...

Looks like all his words weren't the truth, was it all a lie? It can't be... he can not do this to me. Why is he just leaving me back here? Please, Chan, I need you right now by my side...

He doesn't come back to me.
Not after a minute, not after five, not after ten.

I'm done.

I just can't believe it, looks like I'm really alone, looks like no one cares for me... I was so stupid, I believed him. He wanted to help me, he took some of the pain away just to throw it back at me in a more hurting way. I was so dumb, I was so stupid. I trusted him. I felt protected with him. But the truth cuts sharper than a knife and so deep that those almost healed wounds bleed again.

Why did I trust him?
Why did I kiss back?
And why are those feelings still there?
They are...

Because I still hope this is just a misunderstanding...