Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 16 ❄️

❄️Let there be light❄️

It's Sunday morning, I was just waking up, finishing breakfast, and there's already another fight. Felix and Changbin again. It got worse, everyday is worse. They can't cross ways without insulting the other. It looks like Changbin is not even a little bit offended, it looks like this all doesn't matter to him. But Felix can't stand it anymore, I can feel it, and to me it's kinda obvious, unfortunately it looks like it's only that obvious to me...

"Just fuck off and don't tell me what to do, care about your own fucking business!" Changbin screams before leaving the room. Felix just stands there, looking to the others, then staring at the ground.

I'm immediately patting his back in a comforting way, I wanna make him feel better, feel loved, but he still doesn't move. After a minute just standing there a single tears slipped out of the corner of his eye. He ignores us, ignores me and just goes to his room, not saying anything.

I look at the others, they are just ignoring this situation, finishing breakfast, watching TV or doing whatever they usually do. I can't believe it! Do they really not even care a little bit about their bandmate? It hurts to watch this...

So I'm on my way to Felix's room. He needs someone who helps him through this, I just know it and I don't want him to feel bad.

I open the door and can see Felix sitting on the bed, a small silver shining thing in his hand, which he immediately throws away when he sees me. I sit down next to him. I know what it was...

"Show me your arms, Lix"
He obeys and shows his unharmed arms. Unharmed. I would never forgive myself, Changbin or the others if that wasn't the case.

"Why?"
That's the word my mind repeats endlessly. The question I can't ignore.
"Why? Well, Hyung... I'm hurt. My soul is hurt. And I thought that maybe this would relief the pain..."

"It doesn't, but I understand you, I know what you mean. I know how you feel. This will disappear, there will be a time you will forget about the pain and the sadness. There will."

I only wish I could believe my own words, I wish this all would be true. Well, I just hope so. I hope there will be a bright, shining light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel we are walking through. I hope this darkness will have an end. And I hope the sadness will be replaced by happiness. I hope this for Felix, for me...

"Promise me, you won't even think about cutting yourself again, okay? Then I'll promise you that it will get better. Don't harm yourself, this will make everything worse, you can get addicted, the scars will be visible, they won't disappear anymore. So don't do this, do it for me, okay?"
I ask, while hugging him.

"Okay... but please don't tell anybody, okay? Don't talk to Changbin about it, or to Chan or-"
"I won't, Felix, I won't..."

We are just sitting here, hugging each other silently, thinking about everything. I want to comfort the boy, want to go with him through those times. I'm not gonna leave him alone, I know I wouldn't stand it alone. I just don't want him to feel like that, lonely...

I wanna protect him. Maybe I'm really just the Eomma of the group. Maybe I'm the one who only needs to comfort the others, and when I wouldn't do so, I would be useless...