Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 6 ✨

✨The Scientist✨

"Woojin, you still don't hit the high notes perfectly. All the others are doing well, but you...
Is there a specific reason? Are you uncomfortable with your lines?"
I look up to JYP and shake my head. Even if I told him that I'm not comfortable in the whole group, even if I told him the reasons and all the pain I feel in my heart, he wouldn't understand me.

I practiced so much, I really did, but I'm still not good enough. It hurts, it feels like my heart is bleeding again. But I just answer him that I'll practice more and that I will get it soon. I'll be better, I'll sing better. I only wish I also could believe those words...

"I hope so, Woojin. But I'm sure you will. I made you member of Stray Kids for a reason. Show me I did."

I nod. His words kinda give me hope. It feels good to know that somebody still believes in you, although you're failing all the time and make mistakes over mistakes. And it feels even better, when this somebody is JYP.

I go to the others and tell them JYP wants to listen to Changbin's raps next. He stands up and walks into the room confidently. I wish I could also be so confident...

I can see Chan starring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I'm quickly avoiding his gaze. He really hurt me, but I don't wanna show him my weakness.

"What did JYP say?" Felix asked suddenly. I try to find the right words, so it won't sound too negative or something, but Minho was faster than me.
"I'm sure he said that Woojin doesn't hit the high notes, right?"
He turned his gaze to me. I only nod and look to the ground.
I can hear him saying to the others a quiet "Told ya".

And again I can feel the weakness in my legs and the pain in my chest. He definitely hit my weak spot and I'm on the edge of crying. Though I felt better, after JYP told me he still believes in me. Well, that good feeling, those good thoughts, the hope went away quickly. Doesn't Minho know how this might feel? Doesn't he know that I'm already too hurt and I can't stand more pain? What am I to them? Just a emotionless doll they tell everything, they can torture how they want? I'm not!

But on the other side I also can't show these wounds they are leaving...

"So I'll go and practice my high notes now, how does that sound to you, Minho?" I tell him, slight anger can be heard out of my voice.

"Oh? Do that, nobody stops you."
That's the last sentence I can hear before I walk to an empty practice room.
I'm singing for a pretty long time, singing helps me a lot. Well, it means I'm not crying, though I really feel like it right now. I'm trying to get the notes again and again and again. But it feels like it's too difficult.

A new attempt. And again, I failed badly. My heart is hurting worse after every try.

I'm still not getting it one hour later, so I just decide to stop now and go for a walk.
It's already dark again and I'm sure the other members are at the dorm. But I'm walking through the streets and listening to music.

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
Don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

I like that song. It's soothing.

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

I wish I also could go back to the start...

Suddenly I feel someone tabbing on my shoulder. I turn around to see a girl, maybe 14 years old.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but aren't you Woojin from Stray Kids?"
I sigh.
"Yes I am..."
Her eyes start to light up.
"Omg, today's the best day of my life. I love you, Woojin. I think I may be the biggest fan of you. You're also my ulti bias!" She smiles and that smile makes my heart melt.
"Thank you uhm..."
"Kia. My name is Kia. I still can't believe it!" Her happiness lifts a burden from my shoulders. I start to smile also, and my body is filled with a feeling I really missed.
"So Kia. That's really nice, but I don't understand why."
"Such a simple question. Your voice is angelic. I like it the most. It's such a pity you don't have more lines."
She's really cute. Does she know how much she helps me with those simple words?
"And you're so cute and caring towards your band members. How can't you be my bias?"
"Well, there are also many haters and the pressure is pretty much, sometimes too much..."
"But don't listen to the haters. I'm sure most of them never heard you and just want to make you feel bad."

Maybe she's right...

We talked for a while, but then her parents called her and she needed to go back home.

I just want to say thank you, Kia.
Thank you for new courage, new hope.
And thank you for the opportunity to smile. I kinda missed it...