Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 22 ❄️

❄️Control❄️

"What's wrong?"
Chan's rushing into the room, looking at us. I'm still sitting on the floor while Hyunjin is brushing his teeth. I'm watching him silently and Chan's closing the door behind him. He sits down next to me, waiting for an answer to his question.

"Did you throw up?"
Hyunjin nods quietly.
"Was there something wrong with the food?" Chan keeps asking. Hyunjin shakes his head and spits the toothpaste out. Chan and I look at each other worriedly. I guess he also knows what's wrong now...

Hyunjin sits down next to us.
"I need to throw up everything I eat."

That explains a lot. Why he has been so pale. Why he has lost so much weight. It explain what's been wrong the last days, weeks and even months. I feel so sorry for him. Why hasn't anybody noticed this sooner? Why didn't I know that he's been going through so much pain?

"There are those moments when I can't control anything anymore. At the beginning it wasn't like that, I just wanted to get skinnier because JYP told me I need to loose some weight. I never wanted it to get that bad, I never wanted to get addicted to throwing up everything I ate the whole day. I never wanted it to get out of hand."

"But Hyunjin you never needed to get skinnier, you were perfect, your weight was perfect and you're doing that to yourself just because JYP possibly had a bad day and was telling you this without any meaning"
Chan says. I can see tears forming in his eyes. And I'm already crying. But Chan normally doesn't show that he's hurt or crying. He hides his feelings as long as he can.

"I'm so sorry Chan Hyung, I'm sorry Woojin Hyung. There's just nothing I can do about it."
"No, I am the one who needs to be sorry. I should have noticed it. I should have noticed the pain you're going through, Hyunjin," I interrupt him. He hugs me and Chan while we all are crying. Chan and I both caress his back and listen to his soft sobs.

We both will help him through this. He doesn't need to get through it alone. We will do anything to make him feel better. And as if he's read my mind, Chan says that to Hyunjin.

"We'll always be there for you, just try to eat less, so you don't need to throw up, okay? We'll help you to get through this."
"Thank you, thank you so much."

He still hugs us tightly, not wanting to let us go. We're staying like that for about ten more minutes, then we all decide to go to bed. It's so late now, luckily we don't have dance practice tomorrow. This would kill us.

So we go to our rooms, I lay down on the bed and turn off my mobile phone. I close my eyes, feeling so tired that I could fall asleep immediately, but then I suddenly feel that familiar warmth behind me.

"I can't sleep and it's cold. Can I sleep with you again?"

Channie mumbles behind me. He's so close, I can even feel his breath against my neck, his Hand rests on my belly, spreading the warmth all over my body. My heart beats that fast and that loud in my chest, I'm afraid he could hear it. I'm just trying to relax and I love this closeness, so I need to stay calm.

"Of course, Channie"

We're so close now, I can feel every inch of his body. His warm breathing is giving me slight goosebumps and sometimes, only for a short amount of time, his lips are touching my neck softly.

It doesn't take long until his breathing gets more regular and the hug gets less tight. He fell asleep.