Rising Sun

Chapter Seventeen

"You know that feeling you get before you're supposed to hold someone's hand, but you can't stop embarrassingly sweating? Or, when you get a C on your report card and hide it from your parents? I don't even think that sums it up, but that's the level of stress I'm feeling."

Skylar was seated in her school counselor's office, having her first session. Her parents had thought it would be a good idea for her to meet with an adult she could talk to, someone who knew more about dealing with pubescent problems than they did - or so they thought. When it came to adults, they were all about as clueless as the next one.

"It just won't stop." Skylar quickly admitted. She sighed and ran her hands through her bangs, smoothing them back out as she pulled her legs underneath her. "And it doesn't feel fair because it's not my mess. I can't just fix it."

It had been four days since homecoming, and her life still hadn't returned to normal. As if it really could, but she hadn't spoken to Lindsay since that night. She'd avoided her, even going out of her way to ride the bus to school, because she was embarrassed by her. She didn't know what to say, and it scared her in ways she didn't really understand. She'd always known how to talk to her big sister, but right now, she felt like the older and wiser one.

Her parents had hardly acknowledged anything happened, it was like they wanted the problem to disappear, because that was what Lindsay had become: a problem. Their perfect, beautiful daughter couldn't be snorting cocaine, it didn't fit the routine and life they had created.

"What won't stop?" Her counselor, Ms. Lee, pried.

Skylar inhaled deeply, thinking about what had taken place the last couple weeks, and closed her eyes as she sank into the chair. She cursed herself as she began to cry softly. "Everything." She whispered, with a defeated laugh.

"This is about more than just Lindsay, isn't it?" Ms. Lee asked, but they both knew her question needed no definite answer. Her invitation sat in the air, weighing on Skylar to speak. She didn't know if she really was ready to talk about anything else, let alone her sister. If she talked about Hayley, would her parents have to find out?

"Skylar, it's okay if you can't talk about it. But, maybe it would help you feel less stressed if you could open up about it."

Skylar nodded her head slowly, and tapped her foot anxiously on the floor. Her tears subsided, and she sat up slightly. "Yeah, I know." Her voice cracked.

"Just think about it, okay?" Ms. Lee offered.

"It's a lot more than my sister." She said, after a moment. She breathed deeply a few times, gathering up the courage to speak. "I think, or maybe I know, I don't...how does someone know if they're bisexual?" She said quickly, avoiding eye contact.

"Well," her counselor started cautiously. "I think it takes a lot of self-exploration. But, Skylar, there's no need to be afraid if you think you might be bisexual." She offered her a small smile, and reached her hand across the desk, offering some solace to the shaken girl.

Skylar took her hand, and Ms. Lee clasped her hand strongly. "You're a bright girl, Skylar. Your sexuality doesn't define who you are, so don't be afraid of it. And as for your sister, Lindsay is going to be okay, with time. Just be patient with her, and with yourself. I think you'll be just fine."

Skylar was comforted by her words and smiled, politely excusing herself from her chair. "Should we meet again?"

"I'd like to see you the same time next week."

*

Skylar couldn't focus on Of Mice and Men to save her life.

Hayley was sitting in her usual desk in English, a few seats up in the next row over. She was deep into her book, and hadn't once looked in Skylar's direction. Her hair was up in a ponytail, her regular curls now pin-straight, and she had on a warm perfume that kept finding its way over to Skylar. She had a red lipstick on her otherwise makeup-free face, and she couldn't stop herself from staring.