Crushes (advice for shy girls)

Make Up Your Mind

Sunday, September 2, 2012 Youth Camp In

It was the youth camp in and I was beyond ecstatic. When I arrived, I was greeted by Christine and Kirstie both of whom I would no longer be friends with in the months to come. We decided to go into the gym to see if Lucas had any schedules but he ended up calling everybody in there as we walked in. He told us we'd be making hobo packs and have 2 worship sessions along with lots of games and activities. He also told us that we'd be going on a hike Monday morning since it was labor day and we were out of school.

We all went into the kitchen to start making our hobo packs. When we were finishing up, Dylan sliced his finger on a knife. He frantically waved it around in the air, splattering blood on the floor. I couldn't handle it so I had to walk out of the room for a minute. His mom happened to be there as a volunteer and had him run it under cold water for a minute. He complained and whined about it which annoyed his mother. They wrapped it up and had him sit in the youth lounge.

I noticed he was wearing Scooby doo pajama pants at this point and chuckled to myself, a little embarrassed that the guy I liked was wearing Scooby doo pj pants that were a little too small. Christine and I walked into the youth lounge to check on him but he said he was fine. Christine left and I stayed for a minute, awkwardly standing around. Lucas called us all back into the kitchen to fill up our hobo packs and put them on the grill. We stuffed them with as much food as possible and then ran into the pouring rain to throw them on the grill.

After about 30 minutes to an hour they were done and we were all sitting at a table in the gym eating them. Susie, who was sitting next to me, started to complain about having no friends because at this point I had told her that she was a toxic person in my life and I couldn't continue being her friend if she kept putting me down. Dylan looked at me as she complained, smiled then said something and cracked up. I still have no idea what he said to this day because he was across the room from me and I am TERRIBLE at reading lips.

The rest of the night everyone worshiped, played games and had fun. I, on the other hand, had a massive headache and couldn't play this game called sardines with them. It's like reverse hide and seek, one person hides and everybody has to try to find them without other people following them around. When someone finds the person they hide with them. I sat and watched as they played, only being talked to when they wanted to know if I knew where someone was. I felt sad because I wasn't acknowledged except to be used for information but I think I was just lonely. I couldn't get the song 'bleeding love' by Leona Lewis out of my head as I sat and thought about how Dylan had avoided me for most of the night.

Later, he flirted with me a bit as we were making forts for us to sleep in. He had made one for himself and crawled inside it, facing the fort I'd be sleeping in. He kept trying to get my attention and when he did he would go inside his fort really fast and laugh his head off. I couldn't help thinking how weird boys were. I fell asleep at around 1 or 2 in the morning, dreaming about Dylan.

Lucas woke us up pretty early and told us to grab whatever we wanted from the kitchen for breakfast. I didn't eat much because I get sick if I eat in the morning. We loaded up in the vans and started to head to the hiking trail. Christine and I were in the front row since Kirstie left, we were the only two up there. Dylan sat in the middle with James' brother Whitney and Kirstie's brother Ky and then Andrew and Jake were sitting in the back.

Dylan, Christine, Ky and Whitney were talking about Josh Dunham and how funny he was. I didn't join in on the conversation because everytime I turned around to say something Dylan would stop talking and stare off into space. When we finally arrived, Christine and I were the first out of the van and I followed her as she ran up to the trail. When everyone else caught up, Lucas said we'd take the shortest trail because we'd have to go back to the church soon to be picked up.

Dylan lead the way and I followed behind everyone else with Christine and Ky. On the way up the trail, I was bored out of my mind. Everyone was quiet and Dylan was way ahead of me so I couldn't attempt to strike up a conversation with him. On the way back to the van the guys found a disc golf course and ran to it because they wanted to play. Jake was the only guy who stayed back and Christine and I walked back to the van with him.

We had a blast talking to each other and laughed so much we couldn't breathe. Christine and I took the middle row this time and Jake sat in the back again. We were heading to the disc golf course to pick everyone else up and laughed the whole way there. Andrew and another guy named Roy sat in the back while Jake moved up to the middle with Christine and I, Ky also squeezed into the middle. Dylan had to sit in the front with Whitney and Susie and he was not happy at all.

Dylan started to get jealous because I kept giggling at Andrew and Jake as Christine and I talked to them on the way back to the church. He ignored me when we arrived at the church and I was fed up at this point. When he left early, I didn't care. After I got home though, the first thing I did was text Karlie and tell her everything that happened. She told me he was probably just tired and jealous and I hoped that was it.
 

Advice: Try practicing a conversation with a friend. Practicing in front of a mirror helps too. Figure out something to say to them and make it into a conversation. Just pretending to talk to them helps build a little confidence and helps you figure out something simple to talk about when you get the chance.