𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

14 | pinky promise

It took me one night to realize how stupid I had been to think she could genuinely care about me. She was paid to do that.
Losing all my self confidence again, I was striding along the classes totally ignoring everybody, agreeing with all those voices screaming again in my head every time I caught the girls or Miss Anderson looking at me. They were right. I was stupid.

Emily and Jade understood that it wasn't the best idea to talk to me today, so they left me spending the whole day at the lake, on my own, writing poems and crying like the stupid child I still was.
I honestly couldn't focus on school work today because everytime I tried, I could hear my mother's voice repeating -obviously- really sweet words.

The weather was in the same shitty mood as me today, all misty and cold. I didn't even know why I was persisting on staying outside, I should have taken that as a sign when the corners of my papers began to curve due to humidity. But as weird as it sounded, I needed to feel myself freeze to the bone right now. Do I like to punish myself, looking like a sadomasochist? No. Maybe. I don't know.

I swear this time I couldn't refrain myself from jumping when a voice called me from behind.
The mist surrounding me, blurring the person's figure surely didn't help.
But a few seconds later she clearly appeared and a loud groan left my lips.

"You scared the hell out of me!" I angrily exclaimed, making her giggle before she realized I wasn't amused by that.

"Sorry." She whispered, kneeling down next to me and offering me one of the cups she had in her hands.
"I brought you a coffee. You must be freezing out there, don't you wanna come inside?"

My eyes lingered on this plastic white cup filled with brownish liquid for a while.

"I didn't ask for one." I coldly replied -finally following my reason- before looking back to my notebooks that have been opened all day just to make it look like I was actually working.

I could feel she was taken back by my reaction because of the time she needed before speaking again, not using this sweet voice anymore but this professional teacher tone. "I know you didn't. Nevertheless you could be polite and thank me for actually caring about your health Amanda."

"That's the whole point, I didn't ask you either to look like you give a shit about me!" I literally exploded, loosing all my shit for a few seconds. I mean yesterday I was... I really thought... but now... fuck I couldn't even think properly.

Seeing her shocked expression I realized this time she may expelled me, or at least do something to punish the way I talked to her.
Honestly right now I just wanted to be away from everybody here.
I quickly began to gather all my books, praying that it would be the end of the story. No more poem, coffee, night talk and hugs.

"I actually do give a shit about you, and moreover that's my job to make sure my students are okay! You give me more and more reasons to be worried about you."

Totally ignoring her, I stood up on my feet before attempting to walk away.
Quickly her warm fingers closed themselves around my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.

"Get your hands off of me." I threateningly muttered, refusing to look directly in her eyes.

"Look at me." I refused, standing still. "Look at me Amanda." She insisted with a now weaker voice.
I couldn't. So I quickly freed myself from her grip and followed my feet wherever they wanted to take me, as long as it was far away from here.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I rapidly found myself sitting against a large tree, my arms clenched around my legs as I was letting out deep sobs.

You're stupid Amanda.