𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

19 | son prénom

Quite a long one, hope u'll like it:)

Awkwardly sitting on her bed I observed her close the door before joining me, sitting quite far away though -not that it was against my liking.- "So?" I asked a bit confused about the whole situation.

"What was it about?"

"What?"

"Your nightmare." Wow. How direct of her.

Beginning to be annoyed I coldly replied. "Will you stop asking questions? I don't bother you with personal questions."

"Well you can. Because it's what people do to get to know each other." she answered, raising an eyebrow.

I stared back at her for a few seconds, she was making it so much harder for me to understand.
"Then answer to that, because you didn't last time. Why do you so badly wanna know?"

"Because... I wanna get to know you."

"That's not an answer!" I exclaimed maybe too loud but I honestly didn't give a shit right now, I was too tired.
"Is that just a game for you?"

"No of course not. How could you think that?"
She whispered, trying to lay her hand on my shoulder but I was already standing far away from her.

"Because it doesn't make sense! You're my teacher, unless you feel the urge to get a trophy for being the best one of the year I don't see why it wouldn't be a game."
This time again, I saw that my words hit her.
I felt like I had the talent to always choose the worst words. And a part of me was reassured I did, but I also somehow felt bad for doing this to her.

A big frown on her face, she slowly questioned "Is it that unlikely that I genuinely want to personally know you?"

"... well yeah because you're my teacher."
This time I didn't get which part of the sentence hurt her feelings but she definitely looked butthurt.

Holding my gaze for longs minutes, she finally nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry for talking about my problems then, I shouldn't have come to you."

"No it's not what I mean, if you need to talk I'll be here but..."
She quickly interrupted me as she was directing towards the door. "But you don't trust me with your problems."

I wanted to answer, and I could tell she was hoping to, but I kept my mouth close. Because it was true. I didn't truly believe in her disinterested desire to know about me. Even though I deeply wanted to, I just kept remembering those words my mother ever told me. I think that after her I never accepted that someone could be interested in being part of my life, because I knew I was just not enough, for anybody. I knew it, and with time I accepted it.

Now seeing her open the door for me, I was shared between a lot of feelings, of thoughts.

"Go back to your room and try to sleep Amanda." She whispered in a strict tone, refusing to look at me.

So that's what I did, after giving her sweater back. I left without a word, feeling at the verge of crying but refraining myself to because I knew she would hear it.
My life was so fucked up.
I was a living mess.

ღ

"You need to buy vegetables Derek." I emotionlessly said, while verifying that our food wasn't burning in the oven.

Interrupting his dish washing, my uncle turned to me with a sigh. "Okay that's enough now. What's wrong?"

"Ugh don't begin, I'm sick of hearing this question."