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ACKNOWLEDGE (v.): ❝ accept or admit the existence or truth of ❞
DESPITE THE POSSIBLITIES Sanknew it was all of it. San knew it was the way Wooyoung had pieced his heart together with all the good he could possibly offer before poisoning it with false hope and such pretty lies. San knew it was the way Wooyoung had a way of earning his attention with the smallest of gestures. It was something that San didn't think of much at first because it wasn't obvious until he noticed the longer he looked away the harder Wooyoung tried.
San knew it was the way Wooyoung's lips always felt so perfect against his. As though a missing puzzle piece was put into place and suddenly everything made sense. San knew it was the way Wooyoung would beg to be in San's arms and to ramble on about anything on his once beautifully innocent mind.
He knew it was the way Wooyoung's smiled burned away all the negatives that soon came after. It was the distraction that covered the bittersweet truths. That covered the marigolds that littered the bed. That disguised the sour words as beautiful. It was the action that blinded him for so long.
And when things slowly broke apart San knew Wooyoung wouldn't leave his mind either. He knew it was because of the first boy Wooyoung brought home. The boy who created a form of euphoria San once did but now hadn't given Wooyoung in so long because he wanted to go slow. He wanted to fall in love like the people in the movies did, and he did fall in love.
San knew it was the constant cycle Wooyoung trapped him in; catch and apologize. The words that had now become mush in his mind always pulled him closer to his heart even when San could never fully reach his hand out to touch it.
Wooyoung never allowed for San to engrave a piece of him, a memory as Wooyoung did to his. Even if he fell in ways San did, never did he ever once allow for San to touch his heart even the slightest bit. San knew it was the moment, at that party all over again that things would never click. The blaring of music and need to run but now Hongjoong wouldn't let him because he didn't want to leave a heartbroken San alone. Not when San had witnessed Wooyoung drag another boy up the stairs.
San made eye contact with Wooyoung and all the younger did was raise his brow before disappearing to the second floor. San knew it was at that moment that a piece of Wooyoung would never be his. That he found out Jung Wooyoung would never leave his mind nor his place in his heart where he engraved himself so deeply that it ached. It burned and it tore him apart but there was nothing more that he could do.
A piece of Wooyoung wasn't San's and there was nothing he could do. For an,"I love you" that was said with sincerity, with truth, could never fit that piece of him San was looking for.
