The Advice Column IV

627

Advice Request
This person has drifted apart from their best friend.

Answered Submission
Hello!

I'm sorry to hear about you and your friend. It can be hard to maintain a relationship with someone when you don't see them as often as you used to. Sometimes drifting apart is inevitable. You wonder whether or not you should try to rekindle your friendship, but there are some definite pros and cons on your list. Let's discuss.

First off, I completely understand your desire to be friends again. It is very sad to lose friends, even when it's just a consequence of circumstance. I do want you to keep in mind some of the things you told me in your request. You said that she's changed drastically from the girl you knew, and that you don't like how she's been acting recently. Here's the deal. As much as people say the opposite, people do change. In fact, we are always changing. We live in a perpetual state of emotional growth and change, though that in itself is not a good or bad thing. In this case, you don't like the change your friend has undergone. That might make it difficult for you to get along with her.

My advice for you here is that if you do decide to rekindle that friendship, then you should not expect to have the same dynamic you used to have with her. It could end up with you getting frustrated or disappointed if it turns out she really isn't the same person you used to know. Go into it like you're just meeting her, and get to know her again as the person she is now. Also take into account that you've probably changed too!

Now how might you go about re-entering this friendship? Well, it’s not too complicated, but I can tell you that it will take work. Relationships in general, platonic, romantic, familial, and everything in between, take a lot of work. It's not as easy as they make it out to be in books and movies. You have to be willing to put time and effort into actually talking to and interacting with that person. If you want to be friends with her again, you need to put yourself out there and talk to her. Spend time with her. Invite her to go hang out after school or on the weekends sometime. Show her that you want to be friends, because no one wants to put time or effort into someone if they're the only ones to do so. Start by talking to her. Call her, text her, whatever. Just get back in contact with her. From then on, just do your thing. Keep talking. See how it goes. If she's mirroring your energy and is happy to talk to you again, then great, but if she seems uninterested or distracted, then maybe you should consider moving on.

I do suggest you try rekindling your relationship. I know you really want to try and preserve your friendships. Why not see how it goes? Anyways, I hope this helps, hun! Come again if you have anything else we! We are happy to help you in any way we can.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team