Belle Ame: A Beautiful Soul (DS Auxiliary)

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

"I know that good does not live in me—that is, in my human nature. For even though the desire to do good is in me, I am not able to do it."

- Romans 7:18

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ANG relasyon na nabuo ko sa una kong anak ay hindi ko magawang mapangalanan.

All I know is that like Ibarra's mother, he put up with me. He keeps on forgiving my mistakes. He would argue and sometimes mock me (which I think I deserve), but will easily back down and the first one to even apologize even though he has done nothing wrong but only to defend his self.

Of all my children, I clearly saw his sufferings with me, and I watched as his love and patience for me slowly died down—again, it's my own fault.

Kaya hindi ko napigilan si Ibarra sa pagbukod mula sa amin ni Aya anim o pitong taon na ang nakalilipas. He can't even stay for the sake of his mother who dearly loves him. Umalis ito dahil hindi na 'ko matiis pa.

"Mr. Delos Santos, your son is here," bulong ni Aya na katabi ko sa upuan kung saan gaganapin ang monthly board meeting.

Pasimple akong napatingin sa pintuan nang pumasok doon si Ibarra. People started to greet him. And he greeted back with a professional smile I taught him many years ago.

Tumayo ang asawa ko at sinalubong ng halik sa pisngi ang anak namin. "Kanina pa kita hinihintay."

"Good morning, Mama. Hinatid ko pa si Czarina sa campus..." mahinang sabi nitong nakaabot pa rin sa pandinig ko.

"You're a sweet boyfriend!"

"We're not yet officially in a relationship. Not until her graduation." Ibarra smiled—the genuine smile of that little boy I ignored.

"Ganoon na rin iyon!" Aya chuckled. "Okay, you greet your father..."

Bumaling sa'kin si Ibarra. His professional smile back again. "Good morning, Sir..."

I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. Inilayo ko ang tingin sa anak ko. "Good morning..."

With my counted days, nadadalas na ang pagiging emosyonal ko. I trained myself for so many years to always put my sanity first before any personal feelings. Sa tawag ng kamatayan lang pala ako matatalo.

But I think I'm not going to die today, then I have to compose myself. I can't break down in front of the board members.

"I'm going to my seat, Ma."

"Ha? Dito ka sa tabi namin ng Papa mo."

"But—"

Natagpuan ko na lang ang anak kong nasa tabi ko na. I heard Ibarra let out a resigned sigh.

Wala naman kaming naging malaking pagtatalo ng anak ko ng mga nakaraang araw. Lagi kaming may argumento, pero madalas ay tungkol sa trabaho.

I must admit, though, that I am very vocal of my opinion towards his life. I admit I am over controlling. Because I just thought I'm protecting him. May mga panahon namang sinubukan kong ipakita sa kanya ang pagmamahal ko. Not the usual way, but he gets it.

Yet, as much as I want to be consistently "kind" and "affectionate" towards him, hindi ko magawang maging katulad ni Aya. 

Ibarra and I still end up quarreling every damn time. It's like a default.