Forbidden

22

I stand in front of the stove, mixing the boiling marinara sauce in the metal pan.

I can hear Roger and Thomas laughing from the living room, watching television with my dad.

Its been a week since the boys went back on tour, and tonight's their last night in Mexico before having almost two weeks off from the shows, except they have interviews and small gigs in between.

I haven't heard from Joe, but I haven't tried to get ahold of him either. I'd be lying if I said I don't check his social media accounts everyday, but he's only posted about promotional things that they are supposed to post, nothing personal.

There's a constant battle going on in my head. Did I do the right thing, letting Joe go? Was he right, could we have made it work?

But I didn't want to become what he and Amy were before we even really became official.

We never said we were together, never putting a label on what we were. It was just friendship that turned physical and then it was over before anything else began.

But there's one thing I know. I love him and I can't just stop.

But I also can't leave my dad. He already lost one daughter.

"Are you okay dear?" My father asks as he walks into the kitchen, catching me staring off into space as I mix the sauce.

I shrug, "I guess."

"Is it Joe?" He asks.

I turn to look at him and he's smiling warmly. He walks over and grabs the plates to start setting the table.

"I've been talking to him." He says.

Now I'm just staring at the back of his head as he's setting the last plate down.

"You have?" I ask.

"He's been asking about you."

"Oh." I say, turning off the burner.

"I can tell how much you two care about each other. So what's stopping you from being together?"

I sigh before putting the cooked spaghetti into the sauce, "it's complicated."

"Is it though?"

"I didn't want to leave you alone with all of this, okay?" I say, biting my lip.

"Oh honey. You should have just talked with me about it."

I stop what I'm doing and turn to face him, "You can't handle all of this on your own."

"But I'm not. I have Jim's parents, too."

"I just..." I say, my eyes stinging.

"What is it?"

"If I left to be with Joe, it would be leaving you. And I don't want you to feel like you are losing another daughter." I say.

I see his eyes start to water and he walks over to me, resting his hands on my shoulders, "I wouldn't feel like I lost you. I would be happy to know you are happy and safe with Joe. Don't feel like you need to stay with me because of what happened to Sam. I promise I will be okay."

He brings me to him and I hug him tightly, crying into his chest. "I love you dad." I mumble against him.

He rubs the back of my hair, "I just want you to be happy honey. You and Joe are meant to be together. I can tell how different you are when he isn't around. He's your glue that holds you together."

His words only make me cry harder, and hug him tighter.

He's right. He's so right.

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