The way we get by

rant with words

Don't you hate how anything and everything you say and do is wrong. You fucking breath too loud and you in shit. Like anyone else around you can do whatever and say whatever,  and you tell them to stop and you complain and you a bitch. Infact a 'fat ass'. Makes one want to cut away the thighs and tummy. The Lord knows I have heard it too the point where I tried it.

I sometimes wish I would wake up from this nightmare,  where I had  a loving and caring family and parents. Argh whatever! I can't even get a boyfriend how on earth do I expect to ever get a family or parents.  It's like you live your life knowing you ain't worth shit  and wish that someone would come into your life and stay and hold you.

I guess I'm always just going to have to put up with knowing 'ain't nobody gonna take sis part or stand up for sis'. So excuse me for not giving a fuck or care, i got no nowhere and still ain't with that.  So yeah I don't believe in love,  ain't no parents loved me enough to stay or family enough to treat me equal. So love is not something I believe in, for myself, and yeah I am a sucker for love. I don't do feelings, cause people have used my words and feelings to break me.  So excuse me for not opening up,  bitch got burnt by blood.

I'm just tired you know. Tired of being, If that makes sense. The woman who raised me, my granny, who died of cancer last year, was the only person that loved me without boarders. She loved me and taught me so much things that I crave that sort of love and ain't nobody ever gave me that.  She was the only person that has ever held me and said they love me. She made me love myself and now I ain't got no time for that. I don't know how to breath without her. It damn hurts how one person could become my whole world. There are days where I can smell her and feel her, and that's when I realise how lonely I am. When I say I ain't have nobody, I don't.  That woman who is 6ft under was my damn everything. Even now I pray that it was me and not her, perhaps then I would feel peace.

You know to anyone who wants to judge and even bully and call names to me or anyone: you will never know how we feel, cause we always happy, strong,  helpful, say we don't care, smiling, laughing. But everyday we struggle to live, struggle to wake up. You ain't know how hard it is to tell yourself to get up and you can do this. How you just want to sleep and be numb, but you can't cause you also want want to live. And it's because we kinda know there's something out there for us that we get up. That we show you our mask.

So think twice, cause your words matter and it hurts. And no matter how many times we have heard it, it's still gonna stay with us. Just think if it were you... I'm so tired of people not thinking before they do. And being 11 or 12 or 13 or however old don't give you an excuse to behave like a brat. Same to anyone older and inbetween.

Try to give someone a little piece of heaven, cause their days may be filled with hell, but they can look back at that one thing you did. Even if it was to sit next to them and hold them. One day someone else will do that to you.

We are not here to break down, we are here to uplift and not just to our benefit or to be seen, but to do it with a grateful heart.

So imma take my fat ass thats worthless to you and inspire anyone who has been to hell and back.  And nobodys story is insignificant, we all go through different things and fight our demons on different levels.

Just think about that...