Ship to Wreck

36

Athena knew Christian would want to get to the field early. He always left by 11:30 am for regular season evening games, so she imagined he'd get to the field even earlier for a postseason game that could secure the Brewers' first advancement to the World Series since 1982. He worked so hard for his family . . . for his daughter. He was always willing to put in work, and she always failed him.

She didn't know if he'd want her to be in the audience, and she mentally prepared for rejection while she made him a peanut butter sandwich and frantically cleaned the kitchen. She could hear Christian in the background singing quietly to Indy from the living room, the beautiful little girl he adored. Her heart ached for the man who was now the victim of her biggest mistakes.

She separated a father from the daughter he loved so much because of her own insecurities. She was close to starting a family with another man because she was too much of a coward to help him navigate the pain.

She knew she didn't deserve him, but she knew that she couldn't quit him either. She needed him. His love for her and his love for their daughter. She needed all of it.

"Athena?" she heard his quiet voice, and he appeared in the door frame with Indigo sound asleep against his chest.

"Hi, I was just making you a snack. I figured you'd want something light before you left for the field," she said awkwardly, trying to make eye contact with him. He couldn't quite hold it.

"You don't need to do this Thenes," he sighed, eyes focusing on the sandwich on the counter.

"Do what?" she questioned quietly, unsure exactly what he was saying.

"Play dutiful housewife. It's not what I want. It's never what I wanted," he stated plainly and shrugged. "You should get ready for the game. Why don't you put Indy down for a little bit and get ready?" he asked.

Athena nodded and took the sleeping baby from her boyfriend's – from Christian's – arms. She wasn't sure what he was to her any longer.

Christian grabbed the peanut butter sandwich off the plate and took a small bite before Athena left the room. He wasn't hungry, but he wanted to let her know he appreciated the effort. Even if it wasn't what he wanted. He really just wanted her love.

Athena put Indy down and changed into a pair of jeans and a cami before tying one of Christian's game-used jerseys over the white tank top. She wanted him close to her, especially if she couldn't be with him right now. She didn't know the details of their relationship. If there was even a place for her in his life.

Indy deserved her daddy, but Athena didn't deserve his love.

She felt a little relief when Christian implied she could come to the game, even if the invitation was only because she was his daughter's mother.

She would take what she could get after all the damage she had inflicted. After she had nearly destroyed him.

***

Christian had let Athena entangle her fingers with his on the drive to Miller Park. He didn't snap his hand back. He didn't reject her small, desperate attempt at showing him she loved him.

Now he was being interviewed with Indy cradled in his arms. He looked so relaxed now that she was distant, and Indy was so close. Indy made him happy; Athena just ruined him. Time and time again.

She was watching Christian from afar when Gio interrupted her. He looked tired, his deep brown puppy-dog eyes even more mopey than usual. "Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," she whispered back, darting her eyes away from Gio's to watch Christian's presser.

"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" he asked. "I just need to know. I need to know that you're okay. That you're happy. That Indy's okay and happy."