The start of something good

Six

Alex sits in her dressing room in front of her mirror looking at herself. She can't stand herself right now she feels like her life is a mess.

My daughter is not talking to me I'm getting divorced  I can't get a contract closed to save my life, I have no friends.

Half the world doesn't trust me I don't know what my own identity is anymore

"I just feel so fucking lost, how did this all happen?"

I just can't stop thinking about poor Hannah and how I should've spoken up sooner or done something about it instead of staying quiet for fear of losing this stupid job. The only thing I've ever know. I've worked so hard for it but at what cost?

I try to wipe my eyes and tears as much as possible before walking into the studio I quickly take a couple deep breaths and sit on my chair. Trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible

Hey Alex, hey what's wrong? Is everything okay? A million thoughts are running through my head as I can clearly tell she has been crying.

"No I'm a mess but what else is new let's just get through this show so I can go home and drink a whole bottle of wine."

I wanted to talk to Alex a lot more but the show was about to start and I knew it was best if I just left her alone and try talking to her afterwards.

-2 hours later-

Alex storms off stage right after the show ends

Chip tries approaching her.

"Not now chip"

She walks past the control room in a hurry and goes straight into her dressing room she locks the door.

Gosh why am I acting like this? literally having a fucking meltdown everyday what is wrong with me?

I just can't think straight I know I need to get back. Into some counseling, life has been such a rollercoaster lately I don't think I've taken a moment to catch my breath.

I go lay down on the floor in my dressing room taking some deep breaths staring at the ceiling I'm trying to control myself I can feel a panic attack coming on.

Alex it's me Bradley are you ok?Please open up.

Bradley please not now, leave me alone!!
My voice shaky as I'm trying my best not to sound distraught.

Come on Alex please talk to me it's not good to hold in all that anger and frustration.

Alex knows Bradley is right Bradley has learned to read Alex's body language and feelings better than Alex herself sometimes.

Alex walks over to the door and unlocks it.

Bradley's pov:

Oh my goodness you're shaking
I immediately can tell Alex is having a full blown panic attack I run over to her squat down on the floor and hold her shoulders.

Hey look at me you're alright, I got you I'm right here, I say smoothly trying to get Alex to start calling down.

Alex's whole body is trembling she lets her head fall back on my shoulders.

Ok so do you want to talk about it? Alex come on that's the only way you will feel better. it'll be good for you.

I just I feel like a big fuck up my whole life I've done nothing but mess up

Bradley look at me I'm nothing but a disappointment I let down my daughter, Hannah a lot of victims and the world.

Bradley I was a total bitch to you I don't even know how you're even talking to me right now I'm just horrible.

Alex no don't even start with that again, we were both pretty bad to each other it was a total learning period for us we did things we regret to each other but now look at how far we come.

I just , I'm so confused I feel so lost and confused at my age how can everything be like this?
Bradley can I ask you something?

Bradley feels Alex start to tense up again

Of course anything.

Am I a bad person?

Bradley listens to Alex words and soaks them in.

What?

Am I a bad person like when you see me do you see me as an evil bitch all the time is that why people hate me and don't want me?

Alex how can you say that? Seriously people don't hate  you and if they do that's their problem ok because you're an incredible person do you hear me?

Bradley stands up and pulls Alex up with her she walks with her to the vanity and makes her sit and look at herself in the mirror.

Oh gosh Bradley please no I've already looked at myself too much today.

Alex do it again look at your eyes. Let me tell you something Alex to answer your question you are not a bad person you are not a evil bitch people don't hate you.

You are a human being. Humans make mistakes it's normal ok? Over the past 3 months of knowing you I have come to learn you in a whole new light and I'm so glad I got that chance. You have a heart of good you're strong willed and determined an incredible journalist smart funny cranky I could go on and on.

Yes before I started working here I would see you as just this fake news full of crap anchor.

Well thanks

But that was before unfortunately people will never get the chance to know the real you but that's okay because not everyone deserves access to your life to the real you and they're missing out big time. You're amazing alex. And you know 3 months ago I couldn't stand you.

I push people away look at Lizzie look at Jason look at everything.

No Alex no you bring people together think about it this show wouldn't be running right now if not for you and you hard work and determination to keep it going even after both huge scandals.

Alex please you have to let this go or you're never going to be happy or love yourself and self love is the most important thing.

Alex looks up
Bradley don't you ever feel lost?

Of course Alex you know I always question myself my nickname is 2 fucks Jackson I'm a loud mouth psychopath. I suck I'm out spoken I get angry quickly.

But at the end of the day I'm learning to love myself for who I am and finding new ways to deal with things better everyday.

Alex we're works in progress ok and that's ok it doesn't matter is you're 30 or if you're 80 as long as you realize that nobody's perfect and mistakes are a part of life.

But Alex please you can't beat yourself down ok?

We all have bad days, and we're allowed them but it's about getting back up.

I crouch down next to alex and put my face next to hers so they both fit in the frame of the mirror.

I smile as I see pictures of benji lizzie and her apartment all taped on there.

Look at us now, we've been through so much these past couple of weeks, heck months but you know what we're still standing.

Remember that time you wouldn't even let me into your trailer to help you and now we're here.

Being friendly co anchors,
Better yet partners

Things will get better I promise. It's all a part of the journey.

Alex looks over at Bradley with admiration in her eyes and hugs her tight.

Thank you Bradley.

Of course hey how about we get out of here and go to my apartment?

I don't want you to be alone tonight, and a change of scenery would do you good

Alex doesn't say much, she nods her head.

Ok let me go gather my things and we'll head off

I go to my dressing room grab my phone and my purse and head right back to alex.

Ok mrs levy let's get out of here, they get in the elevator and head off.