c h a n g e -o f- h e a r t

•c h a p t e r t e n •

The boys have gone on tour.
The flat across the hall is silent, nobody swings by unexpectedly, and life becomes quiet again. Sometimes Rose gives me updates, but most of the time she leaves me alone. We're both very careful to avoid the "M" word, but I still can't stop replaying the night of the party in my mind. I still don't understand why he treated me that way. I also still don't understand why I'm still so hung up on this; it's obvious that any sort of affection Matty might have shown me is long gone. The sweet, gentle kiss in my room was a one time thing, probably a lapse of judgement. Maybe he was high. I have George's private Snapchat where he shares pictures and videos of tour, and I find myself constantly looking for that head of thick curls bouncing around on stage. More like stumbling, these days. Matty brings bottles of alcohol with him sometimes and by the end of a set he can hardly walk straight, which worries me. I've had to stop myself several times from messaging George to ask if Matty is okay. I hate to admit it but sometimes I listen to their music just so I can hear the sound of his voice. I hate myself for it, for playing something up in my head when it's obvious that whatever little thing had been there was a lie.
"Violet," Rose pokes her head into my room, "I'm getting pizza and watching a shit romcom. Do you want to join me?"
Rose and I desperately need some sister time, and I desperately need a distraction so I hop down from the bed and follow her to the living room.
Thirty minutes later 10 Things I Hate About You is playing on the TV and we each have a pizza sitting in front of us on the table. I look at the stone fired margarita pizza in front of me, my heart beating out of sheer excitement. Maybe I should just give up on boys and settle for one thing I know will never let me down: pizza. Always and forever. Rose brings out a bottle of wine and my night gets about 1000 times better. Soon, all there is is what's in front of me: glorious cheesy pizza, several glasses of red wine, and Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles. My night is complete and any thoughts of the rude, curly haired boy are forgotten. If only it could last.

Cool hands, seeking
Palms against my cheeks
Fingers in thick curly hair
I know those hands
Reaching out
Fingers intertwined
Soft breath fanning my face
Chocolate eyes meeting mine in the dark
Then
Cold fingers around my wrist
Hurting
I know these hands too
Ragged breathing fills the air
Eyes of ice find me in the dark
"Hello Violet"

I wake up with a start, sitting up and clutching the blankets around me, trying to feel the soft material under my fingers, trying to remind myself I'm here. It was just a dream, I tell myself over and over. Just a dream. I glance at the clock to see it read 4:20. Blaze it.
I dreamt of Matty. At least I'm bout 98% sure that was him in my dream. I never saw his whole face but it sometimes in dreams, you just know who the person is. And then He was there too. The boy with the eyes of ice that always follow me, even though I'm miles away. The one I want to run from. Run to Matty, away from Him.
But I have nobody to run to, I remind myself. I don't need anybody to run to. People only hurt you. They take you and twist you into something you never wanted to become until who you were is lost and broken and who you are now is what you never wanted to be. I'm so lost in thought that I almost don't hear my phone ding from beside me. I know sleeping with my phone in my bed is bad but it's a habit.
A text from George lights my screen up.
Hey kid, it reads.
I smile and type back, hey yourself.
What are you doing? He asks.
I was sleeping, I tell him, but not anymore
Did I wake you up?? He asks me.
Nah I was already awake :) I tell him, sort of wondering why George is messaging me. I mean I know we're friends, but he doesn't really ever message me randomly like this.
I miss you a lot, he says, throwing me a little off guard.
I miss you too, I say. I do miss him. I miss all of them, except maybe their frontman.
That's a total lie. I miss Matty most of all, and I am very disappointed in myself.
We're coming home in ten days, he tells me.
I'm looking forward to it, I reply
I have so much to apologize for, he says.
What do you mean? I ask him.
He doesn't reply, so I wait patiently. Why does George have to say sorry? Why is he randomly messaging me in the middle of the night? I mean it's probably an acceptable time wherever they are, I suppose. But still. I hate being pushy, but now I'm curious and I haven't heard back from him.
George?? I message him, reminding him I'm still waiting in case he forgot.
Five minutes pass and I receive no reply. I sigh and exit out of my messages and open up YouTube, ready to waste some time as I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
Finally a message flashes on my screen and, way more eagerly than I'd like to admit, I open it.
George: sorry haha we're at a party and Matty just took my phone, what's up?
What? Was I...oh my gosh. My thoughts start swirling faster as I realize something: I'd been talking to Matty the whole time. They were at a party, so maybe he was drunk.
But still, a small voice in my head says, he messaged you out of everyone else.

A/N I feel like this is kind of a filler chappie, I'm sorry. I've been pretty busy with school and stuff these days but I wanted to get something out. Thank you to everyone who is reading and voting, it really means a lot! 💜