rick sanchez x reader

Rick Potion #9

Rick and I have a pretty good friendship. We bond over weird things and tell it to each other straight if one of us is being a dick. Most of the time it's me warning him. But tonight was a peaceful night so far, and I'm very grateful for that.

*    *    *

Rick and I left the garage to get some snacks. We go into the kitchen and overhear Jerry and Morty's conversation.

"...Your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw, and I thought-"

" 'I should get her pregnant, and then she'll marry me. '" Rick interrupts.

"I beg your pardon, Rick. Inappropriate." Jerry says, nodding his head in Morty's direction.

"Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want his romantic advice from this guy, Morty. His marriage is hanging from a thread." Rick says, not even looking at anyone else in the room.

"My marriage is fine, thank you." Jerry protested.

"It's your house, Jerry, whatever you say is how it is. But even a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed." Rick passed me a glass of orange juice and I gave him a warning look.

"Come on, Rick. Don't talk about my parents like that." Morty said.

"Listen, I hate to break it to you, but what people call 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Y/N might. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science." Rick leaves and I sigh, following after him.

*    *    *

I look up from my phone when Morty walks through the garage door. He's wearing a nice suit with his infamous yellow shirt and a red tie. 

"Morty, hand me that screwdriver. I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer. It's gonna be great." I pause How to Get Away With Murder and put my phone into my pocket.

"Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that love is just a chemical and all that stuff from earlier?  Well.. I was thinking.. you know? Could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind? So where she falls in love with me? You know, maybe make some sort of love potion or something?" Morty asks timidly.

"Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. It's beneath me, hand me the screwdriver." I get up from my chair and Morty stops me.

"You know what, Rick? No, I'm not going to hand you the screwdriver! I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again! I'm always helping you with everything! W-w-what about me, Rick?" Rick pushes himself off the chair and searches through the cabinet on the other side of the garage. "Why can't you just help me out for once?"

"You're growing up fast, Morty." Rick groans, "You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. Listen, this is called Oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. Do you know what a vole is, Morty? It's a rodent that mates for life. This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain that makes it fall in love. Alright, Morty. I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA."

"Ew ew ew!" I turn around as Morty starts to unzip his pants.

"A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs." Rick groans again, plucking one out from Morty's head. "This isn't Games Of Thrones."

"Ow!" Morty cries out. I turn around to see Rick put the DNA into a machine.

"Alright, Morty. Whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Are ya happy now, Morty?"