rick sanchez x reader

Total Rickall

"Look out world, the Smith family is goin' to Paris!" I hear a weird voice from the dining room. Rick and I enter the room, Rick dumping rocks into the kitchen trash on the way.

"Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash." Jerry scolds.

"Well, I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry. But life is made of little concessions." I stifle a laughter and lean into Rick's side, his arm automatically around my shoulder.

"I, you know what, I-" Jerry sags his shoulders in defeat. Do I feel bad for the guy? Nope.

"You're gonna land on your feet, Jer. Some company out there's gonna thank they're lucky stars they hired my little brother." Some rando said.

"Who the fuck are you?" I face him.

"My goofy brother Steve. He's been living here almost a year now, are you losing your mind?" My face scrunches up in confusion and I look at Rick. He gives me a 'I know' face and I move away a little, giving him room to reach into his lab coat.

"Hey someone's been spending too much time around glowing rocks am I right?" Everybody's laughs turn to screams as Steve's body collapses when Rick shoots him.

"What the hell, Rick? What the hell?" Morty panics.

"Everybody just relax for a second. There's no such thing as an 'Uncle Steve'. That is an alien parasite." Rick explains, we all watch as Steve's body turns into a blue and purple worm-like creature, spewing pink liquid all over the table. 

"But I've known him my whole life!" Jerry cries.

"No, you haven't, Jerry. These telepathic little bastards, they embed themselves in memories they use those to multiply, spread out, and take over planets. It's disgusting." I say, grabbing gloves and picking up the parasite then chucking it on the table, not caring for the food in front of us all.

"Steve wasn't real?" Morty's eyes widening in horror.

"He's a real piece of shit! This is a big one, someone probably tracked in last week on the bottom of their shoe or on a piece of alien fruit."

"Someone?" Summer says in an accusatory tone.

"Get off the high road, Summer. We all got pink eye because you won't stop texting on the toilet." Summer falls silent and focuses on her phone.

"But Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike." Morty looks at the parasite still on the table.

"No, 'Steve' put that memory in your brain so he could live in your house, eat your food, and multiply. We could be infested with these things, so we gotta keep an eye out for any zany, wacky characters that pop up." Rick instructs.

"Ooh wee, whatever you want Rick! We're here to help!" Someone said from beside me, I jump and bump into Rick and he chuckles.

"Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could count on you." Rick addresses him. Rick gathers us in the lounge room and does a headcount. "Alright, there's seven of us and that's it. Me, Y/N, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer."

"Maybe you got the first one in time Rick!" Mr. Poopybutthole said.

"Can't afford to chance it." Rick says, pressing a button on his watch, all doors and windows in the house are sealed off by shields. 

"Uh, why does our house have blast shields?" Beth asks.

"Trust me, Beth, you don't wanna know how many answers that question has." I tell her.