rick sanchez x reader

Big Trouble In Little Sanchez

- I flipped a coin and it landed on heads so I wrote a little bit of an *exciting* chapter i'll chuck down an 'iykyk' (if you know you know) thing so yall will know,,, 2021~ new year new sexy times~- ALSO. this isnt going to be the whole 'screaming' thing. i feel like its over exaggerated so be prepared to have some ~realistic~ expectations 

Surrounded by family at the dinner table was always a nice thing. Jerry and Beth at the head out the table, the kids on the other side and Rick and I are placed together. It's serene. Except when Jerry opens his mouth.

"What's new at school?" He asks, paying full attention to his IPad.

"Nothing." Summer shrugs.

"Nothing! Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died." Morty says so casually I almost laugh. "They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck and all the blood drained out of her."

"Good lord! Who does something like that?" Beth comes in with her coffee cup.

"Obviously a vampire. W-w-where's the pepper?" Rick bluntly states.

"Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!" Summer freaks.

"Your grandfather teleports places, goes to different planets for fun, is the smartest man in the universe, has infinite versions of himself, has wacky crystals and for some reason knows all species of aliens. He's the Rick and you still don't believe in vampires?" I chuckle, putting Rick's flask to my lips and taking a small mouthful. Jesus I'm becoming a mini-him.

"Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe. Get used to it. R-right, Y/N?" I chuckle at his attempt to be part of the grown-ups and I give him a wink.

"Well, what are we going to do?!"

"We're gonna live our lives until we die. Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident or heart disease, but possibly vampire." I hit my knee against his, most likely too hard and his hand grabs my thigh under the table. 

"Watch it, princess. Otherwise a vampire isn't going to be the only thing biting you." My eyes shoot wide open and I clear my throat, the rest of the family unaware. I smirk at the open window of opportunity.

"Yes, Daddy." I whisper into his ear. I put my lips in a thin line to stop myself from laughing when I see him adjust his lapels.

"Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your super-knowledge to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school and help us hunt the vampire down?" Summer pleads. Sometimes I'm so glad these are the kids of Jerry and they just don't pick up on things.

"Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, low-stakes assworld that is high school. But here's my reverse-ask: Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever? And how dare you even ask me that? And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?" Rick shoots.

"Dad!" Summer turns.

"Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie." Jerry repeats, too absorbed in his iPad to understand what's going on.

"Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter?" Beth scolds.

"Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention."

"To a conversation about vampires?!"

"Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires, because I wasn't paying attention, which you would know, if you ever paid attention to me!"

"Oh, here we go, right to the victim role." I say, my hand pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Am I a victim, Y/N, or am I married to a mean, unfair monster that always hurts me?!"