14 & Pregnant Season TWO

Part 36

Yn Pov
That night lourdes went to sleep early. She said she had a stomach ache. Maybe from all the snow cones she ate.

When I put her to bed I decided to go outside. I went outside and laid on the nice cool grass looking up to the stars.

I always been fascinated by the stars. They symbolized faith to me. Something I'm sure I don't have.

I started to think about my babies and how they died. I've never really pondered on the thought and how I felt about it. I started tearing up a little.

At the time I was young and really didn't know much about that. I just knew they didn't survive. I was carrying two babies that were dead.

I started crying and a picked up my phone and called my mom.

*******Phone Conversation*******
Monica- Hey baby.

I started crying to her about the babies even though she wasn't apart of my pregnancy. That was my fathers fault.

Me- Mom..

I was sobbing.

Monica- What's wrong sweet heart. Is something wrong with Lo!? *Panicking*

Me- N-n- no.. *Hick ups* I just need you..

Monica- What's going on Yn!? *Panicking still*

Me- I miss them.. *Crying*

Monica- Who sweetheart.

Me- My kids.

Monica- What happen to make you think of them baby?

Me- I don't know.. I just been thinking of them lately and I really never actually sat down and thought about it.

I dried to stop crying. I never knew I was this hurt. I guess I just tried to block it out of my thoughts. Even though it's been 4 years ago I was still hurt. Maybe what hurts the most is nobody was there for me emotionally.. I didn't have nobody to cry to so I didn't cry at all really.

Monica- We can't ponder on the past baby. You have a beautiful daughter now who needs you.

Me- Yea, I could've had two daughters..*Sniffs* I don't know........ I'm tired... *Looking at the grass*

Monica- What is that suppose to me Yn? Don't go doing something crazy.

Me- I feel like I'm suffocating and nobody can see me dieing.

Monica- I understand baby...Where's Lo?

Me-Sleep..

Monica- You need to go get some rest. Sleep makes it all better.

Me-...Ok..

Monica- I love you.

Me-I love you too mom.

Monica- Ok baby. Goodnight.

Me- Goodnight.

******End Of Phone Conversations****

I hung up the phone and walked back into the house. I walked upstairs to my room. Lourdes was all over the place. I scooted her over and she wrapped her tiny arms around me and laid her head on my chest. I kissed her forehead before drifting off into a deep sleep.