Don't Get Caught

Chapter 11 - Ariel

The night I stayed at Danny's after our piano duet didn't go precisely as I'd planned. Although I drifted off to sleep almost immediately, wrapped in his featherlight duvet, I woke up with a jolt not much later when his body rolled into mine. In the pitch-black, I couldn't tell if it was a subconscious movement on his part or if he was trying his luck.

"Danny?" I whispered into the darkness.

Nothing. I edged away from him.

All was quiet and still, so my mind took control. Would me from a year ago have slept with him? I didn't like to think my surgery had changed me (I still had both my breasts so it could have been worse) but my reluctance made me wonder if it was my loss of confidence that was preventing me from partaking in something I used to love or if it was my principles. Did I even have any principles when it came to Danny? I hadn't had sex in nine months—pretty sure that was the longest I'd ever gone without. Fuck principles!

Although I'd inched away, the heat of Danny's body still permeated mine. I slipped my hand under his t-shirt that I was wearing, his scent filling my nostrils. I pulled it up until my palm found my scar and placed my hand over it protectively, feeling my heart hammering in my chest. The jagged skin, lumpy against my fingers. I kept my eyes open but could see nothing. I slowly turned my head in Danny's direction but even though his face must have been inches from mine, I couldn't make out his outline let alone his features.

Sleep clearly wasn't on the cards anymore. I should go home. I removed my hand and twisted my body, so my legs dropped out of the bed and to the cool, wooden floor. I sat on the edge, contemplating my next move.

Before I had the chance to act, a fist grabbed the back of the t-shirt and pulled me backwards.

"And where do you think you're going?" Danny grumbled, his hot breath against my back.

I fell into him but hurried to sit back up. "I thought I might go home."

"Why? Can't sleep?" he asked.

"No."

I felt Danny sit up behind me. "What's up, Ariel?"

"I just don't think I should stay if all we're going to do is sleep. I'll be better off in my own bed."

"OK... but before you go—can I ask you something?"

"Go on."

"Will you show me where you had your surgery?"

My hand went to my breast again, this time over the top of the t-shirt.

Although I still couldn't see him, Danny was clearly sat behind me and he slowly walked his fingers up my back and into my hair, pushing it to one side.

"Why?" I asked when his fingers reached my shoulder.

"So, you feel comfortable around me again," he said simply.

I lay back on the pillow and let out a long breath, emptying my lungs. "You think I'm not comfortable with you? Because I won't sleep with you?" I shook my head in disbelief.

I felt him drop down next to me. "Maybe. I think you're worried I'll be turned off. But I'm not that shallow."

My hand still placed carefully over my chest, Danny fumbled in the dark and lay his large hand on top of my small one, encasing it.

"I'm not worried you'll be turned off," I said. "It's nothing to do with you. Only... my body has always been something I could rely on and now it's let me down. I'm embarrassed by it for being weak. I'm angry at it for turning against me. You won't care—or pretend you won't. But I will."