a hopeless romantic's winding tales of love and other things.

sweetpea

i've always loved autumn.
the leaves, the color scheme,
the breeze.

but so much has happened those three months,
september, october, november.
only the year changes.
now i'm not so trusting of it anymore.

trauma, death, goodbyes i never got to say
all occurred in my favorite month one year.
and now, two rotations around the sun later,
i still feel the same.

i don't know why
it doesn't feel like anything has majorly changed.
because so much has happened without you here with me.

i try to reflect on it,
try to find an easy explanation.
picking apart every clear detail
from the day you fell apart.

i always end up
blaming it on myself
as if me being there
could cool the flames
of you
withering away.

i hope somehow,
there's a way for you to see this.
to see me,
a tiny fish in this big sea.

are you proud of me?
i hope you are.

forever yours,
- sweetpea.