Xander: An Open-Door Policy Novella (Book 2)

Chapter 2

"I'm more broken than you think."

—Unknown—

Xander froze and stared at Liam's long fingers on his arm, thinking back to that night a month ago. Rylan had asked him, Becca, and Liam to help him ease his best friend Lucy into club life after her jackass of a boyfriend had cheated on her, at ODP of all places. The boyfriend had been banned for good, and Lucy welcomed into the fold. It had been a fun night. At first, anyway. Lucy was a cute redhead who had been eager to learn. It had been so obvious to everyone she was in love with Ry and he with her, though they'd both been clueless at first. Watching Ry introduce her to all her firsts, participating in it with the intent to shock the inexperienced girl, had given Xander a thrill. It had reminded him why he'd started coming to the club in the first place—that rush, along with the escape from everyday life.

But then, when Rylan had ordered him to show Liam he was a 'team player,' Xander had lost his head. He'd been involved in group sex with Liam and Becca plenty of times, but the emphasis had always been on Becca. Sure, he and Liam fooled around some, too—Becca got off on watching them—but it had been for only that purpose. Just having fun, doing what felt good, without a care in the world about labels or worrying anything would be known outside the club. There was a strict 'what happens at ODP stays at ODP' rule, and, if someone broke it, they were out. But that night... that night, Xander and Liam had been left to their own devices, alone on that bed, and shit had gotten a little too real.

Xander had finally admitted to himself that something was there, something he'd been feeling for a long time, and he'd seen a glimpse of it in Liam's eyes, too. If Xander were being honest, he'd felt it between them occasionally for a while, though he'd written it off as a stupid, weird thought.

But Xander didn't get it. He wasn't gay. Liam wasn't, either. He had a girlfriend, for fuck's sake. And Xander, though he was quick to play in a group and hadn't minded where he stuck it—whether a chick's or a guy's mouth, or the three occasions he'd been talked into putting it somewhere else with Liam—he hadn't looked at it as anything more than a novelty. He'd never let a guy have him, though. Not even Liam. As far as Xander knew, Liam hadn't been with a man besides him, except maybe a teasing suck or stroke here and there.

It made Xander's head hurt just thinking about it, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to the time when friendship was the only thing between them. Because this shit wouldn't do. Even if Liam were down for it, Xander was positive he'd still want nothing to do with it. Couldn't even imagine taking something like that public. A hot rush of embarrassment sent the anger spiraling again, and he shook Liam's hand off his arm with a sudden jerk.

"Don't touch me." He hadn't meant to say that, and definitely not in that cold voice he hadn't recognized.

Liam's eyes widened, and he stepped closer instead of away. Lowering his voice even though they were the only two there, he said, "Look, whatever's wrong, let's talk about it. Because clearly something is."

Xander watched as if outside himself as Liam reached to touch him again. Before his hand had even landed, Xander grabbed Liam and pushed him backward, propelling him to the wall. Bringing his arm up between them, Xander pressed hard against Liam's chest, glaring down at the shorter man. Xander was breathing hard, not seeing anything besides the red haze in his vision.

Liam went still, shock written all over his features. He didn't try to push him away, didn't try to start a fight. Just waited, seeming to be holding his breath.

"There is nothing fucking wrong with me. I'm just not in the mood for this shit." Realizing what he'd done, he froze. "God, Liam. Sorry. I-I don't know why I did that." Horrified, Xander dropped his arm, fixing to step back, when Liam spoke.

"Is this about what happened that night?"

It was said so low Xander almost thought he'd imagined it, but when Xander snapped his head up, Liam was gazing straight at him. His frankness had always been one of the things Xander liked about him, but, right now, it just made him uneasy.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Xander muttered, rubbing a hand over the rough stubble on his jaw. He avoided that steady blue gaze, but Liam wouldn't let it go.

"I think you do. I think something that night spooked you. Something that maybe felt less like playing and more like reality." Liam was still speaking softly, and Xander felt rooted to the spot. It was like he was glued in place while a train barreled down on him, and he couldn't get out of the way.

Liam continued. "Matter of fact, I'd say that something had a lot to do with you and me being left by ourselves for the first time ever, and you realizing..."

"Stop," Xander thundered.

"That something felt a little too..."

"Liam, shut up," Xander warned, muscles tensing.

But Liam didn't heed the warning, talking right over him. "Right between..."

But Xander didn't let him finish. In one swift move, he was on him again. This time with his arm against the shorter man's throat. He wasn't being gentle. Xander was pissed. He didn't understand why Liam wouldn't just let it go. They couldn't come back from something like that. Things would never be the same between them if he kept talking.

But even with Xander's arm pressed against his windpipe, Liam still forced out a whispered, "Us..."

Xander's stomach dropped and he stared wide-eyed down at Liam, shocked beyond measure by that one word. Liam kept his chin lifted, hesitatingly bringing his hand up to lock it around the arm at his throat.

And that one move broke Xander.