Don't Judge By The Cover

Chapter 4

Matt

    A fly ball, my specialty. This is the last out of the game, and I get it.
I ran towards the back fence, where the ball was headed. I jumped up, reaching over the gate and watched the bright, white ball settle into my glove. I had it.

    And then I didn't.

    I watched with horror as the ball fell out of my glove and onto the grassy field behind the gate. I had lost the game. I just laid over the fence, glove extended as I prepared to face the team.

I couldn't face the team.

I finally stood up and walked myself over to center field. The silence was deafening. I slowly bowed, and shook my head. It was like everything stopped, but kept moving at the same time. I could see the other team cheering and jumping. But I didn't hear it. I watched our team walk off the field. But I didn't hear it. Our left fielder, Devin, walked over and slung his arm around my shoulder. He was saying something, but I didn't hear it. My eyes were on Justin, who had some sort of painful shock on his face. I hated myself. I couldn't bear to think that I had put that look on my best friend's face. He deserved to win. He had worked so hard, he deserved this. And I screwed it up. He walked into the dugout, and placed his helmet on the bench.

-------------------------------------------------------

    I sat on the bench, looking out onto the field. The sun had set, and I could hear the crickets chirping around. I felt so alone. No one would ever want to see me again. I could hear everything they would say about me.

    "I hate you. You disgust me. I never want to be around you again."

    And then everything fell into place.
   
    Everyone would be better off without me. I don't deserve these friends, or anything I've been given in this life. My family would have a burden taken away from them. I can't imagine what college would be like with me screwing up all the time. I would be better off dead.

    Maybe that's the answer.

    I'll tie up loose ends, and then I'll leave. Simple as that. My family would be happier, my friends wouldn't have to worry about me. It'll help them out. I'll be doing them a favor. Maybe death wouldn't be as bad as everyone makes it out to be...