Don't Judge By The Cover

Chapter 9

Matt

Dad. 

What is he doing here? He can't be here. I bury my head in Justin's shoulder.

"Mr. Akin, can my boy and I have a moment please?"

Justin nodded quickly, and darted out of the room.

Dad sighed. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sat down in the newly vacated seat. He took my hand in both of his, and held it up to his face. I couldn't look him in the eye, but when I felt the wet drop of a tear hit my hand, I pulled my eyes towards his face. His eyes were shut, but there were tears leaking out of eyes. He unwrapped one of his hands and used his sleeve to wipe his nose and cheek. Then, his eyes met mine. They were bloodshot and glossed over with tears.

"Matthias," He started, then sniffled and dropped his head into our hands again. He shook his head and looked back up with a soft, sad smile.

"Matt, why didn't you tell anyone?"

Thought I would be a disappointment.  You've always said that men hold in their emotions.

"Matt, no. Emotions are fine. But they aren't when they are trying to take you from me. Matt, I love you. And I know I don't say it nearly enough, but I do. I love you with everything I've got. I can't lose you now. We've come too far to lose each other."

He smiled. "Will you let me help you, Matt?"

I nodded. And smiled.

Love you too, dad. Wish I had heard that more before this.

"I know son. I know now to tell you all more. I promise, Matt, I am going to do everything in my power to never let this happen again. Can I ask you a question?"

I shook my head 'yes'.

"Why hanging? Why didn't you just shoot yourself? Wouldn't that have been a better outlet?"

No guns in the house. Not old enough to buy

"Oh, right."

Just then, the nurse walked in. She smiled at me and my dad.

"Well hello there, gentlemen. If you don't mind, sir, I need to take Mr. Dendral's vitals."

My dad leaned into my ear and whispered,

"Hey, at least she's cute."

If I had rolled my eyes any harder, they would have fallen out.

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    I was supposed to be released from the hospital on that monday and start therapy on that Tuesday, but I ended up leaving on Wednesday because they found a problem in my heart rhythm and needed to monitor it.

Apparently its a normal problem after an attempted suicide, but that didn't stop my mom from worrying about every little thing that came up. I know she's worried about me, but for the most part,  I can handle myself.

    When I was finally released,  I immediately left for Justin's. My mom took me by Walgreens to grab a thank you card and his favorite candy, Reece's, to give to him when I get there. I hope he understands that this isn't his fault, and that I am going to try and stick around for longer. That part should be easier with therapy, but it's still going to be a struggle. Because of my attempt, I need to go to a psychiatrist, which I probably needed before hand but never got because I'm too stubborn to ask.  My life revolved around pain and sorrow before this, and I'm hoping that it is going to change with this. I just want to be there for my family. I can't let Aiden, Emily, and Anna down, not again.

I am going to get better.