Crests and Troughs

Healthy

Song of Chapter: Easier Said by Alessia Cara
~~~

You're a terrible sleeper. You know that. You twist and turn throughout the night, and, not to mention, you're not the lightest camper around. Jeremy is so pale and fragile though, both emotionally and physically, that you really didn't want to move excessively that night. Besides, you're tired of being a 'bad sleeper'. I mean...you would like to marry someday. Imagine being married and having to sleep alone because you're always kicking your partner off the bed. No fun, right?

It wasn't that hard not to move, though - if you did, you're unaware - because you were so drained from caring for Jeremy. You woke up, probably, twice and you were fully aware of what you were doing both times.

You were turning, being very careful not to wake the boy next to you. You were swimming in a pool of bliss at the fact that you were sleeping with someone and you weren't sleeping with them. You were comfortable and you relished it.

Maybe that's why you woke up in the first place, your brain wanted to save the moment as memories.

Jeremy was a good sleep buddy. Well, at the time. You were feeling a bit lonely for the better part of the last nineteen years so him hugging your waist was actually quite welcome. He also wasn't stubborn and allowed you to change your position when you needed to.

In the wee hours of the morning, you were both facing each other, legs entwined, arms draped over each other, covered with your purple flannel blanket and navy blue top sheet. Soft skin. Soft clothes. Warm sheets. Smells of home. It really, really felt like home. Though, you knew it wouldn't last.

You see, Jeremy had a boyfriend whom you're even more unacquainted with.

Nathan and Jeremy are the gay couple you've been searching for in YouTube edits. Absolutely intoxicating, is how you would describe them. But, then again, alcohol induces myopia. And, you're not exactly sure - no, let's be real - you have no clue what Jeremy has been experiencing, but, for some reason, you think it has something to do with Nathan. Now, before you go all samurai on your own ass, you're not a jealous bitch. Well, you are. But, you do have a somewhat valid reason as to why you think Nathan had a hand in Jeremy's sadness.

Jeremy and Nathan spend a lot of time together, as any couple does. And, if you've been in any committed relationship, you know that it's impossible to get along with, tolerate, or put up with everything another being has to offer. You know that the people you love have the power to break you down into nothingness. You know that you give them that power willingy, to do with whatever they please, however they please. Because love isn't protection. It's sharing. And, you have the power to do the same.

And, you don't have anything against Nathan. You really don't.

You just know that relationships can be rocky. Even though they aren't always.

All you can do right now, is hold the man in your arms and hope that whatever he's going through will pass.

*

There's a stir when Jeremy sits up. He looks slightly confused and palms his forehead as if he's trying to dampen a migraine. He looks 'round your room blinking slowly.

"Did you forget where you slept, last night?"

He turns to you and shakes his head slightly. His eyes are no longer red but they are slightly swollen. He looks like he's about to break out into a cold sweat.

"Would you like some tea?"

He looks up from your blanket to meet your eyes with his dimmed emeralds. The look on his face is so fragile. He nods once. So, you get up to put on the percolator and get out the Tetley tea bags.

"Milk or no milk?"

A pause.

"Milk."

So, you get the sugar, a packet of Betty condensed milk, a spoon, a fork and two cups. You mix both teas and ask if he'd prefer water or cream crackers and he says it doesn't matter but you know he has no clue what they are or how they differ so you go with cream crackers because he's foreign and probably can't handle water crackers.

"Are you using a fork?" He looks genuinely confused that I'm using a fork to eat my soaked crackers.

"Yep." You chuckle because he's now scrunching his brows.

"Look, I own a fork, a spoon, a cup, a thermos and a bowl. I live alone. Would you prefer if I dipped my hand in the tea to get my crackers? Okay. So quit staring at me like I'm eating a dog."

"Why would you do that? That's sick." He now looks like a baby who's dropped their pacifier.

You roll your eyes 'cause that's not the point, "You people love dogs more than yourselves."

"What's that supposed to mean? You'd eat a dog?"

He is so thick, you think. "Why the fuck would I eat a dog? That's disgusting. I'm just not going to feel bad for dogs who get eaten because I don't feel bad for chickens or fish when I eat them. They're all animals, they all have their purpose and people eat them. It's life."

"Alright, alright. Let's stop talking about this." He looks like he's about to throw up.

To make him feel better you add, "What if I told you I love dogs and have three back home."

"I'm a bit worried about their wellbeing, now."

"Fuck you. They're not scared and they love me. They'd kill for me."

"I don't think you should measure the extent of their love on how cruel they'll become for you. It's not healthy."

"This isn't about the dogs, is it?"

He turns away.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He doesn't respond, just chews on his lower lip.

"Let's watch a movie."

And, you put on 6 Underground.