After the usual public displays of affection are outlawed, Alexei and Maria are careful to show their love only through the three approved methods. When Alexei tells Maria some exciting news, they forget themselves and hold hands. They're sure the t...
I'm not sure if anyone saw me look into the dining room as I passed, but I am sure that no one brought it up. In that way, I survived all of last night's test.
This morning, we are all still in perfection mode. Each of us still on edge, making sure we do everything according to regulations. Ma has left the windows open so our neighbours can see us - something she does at least once a week to avoid too many visits like last evening.
My blonde hair, as always, is in the knot on the base of my neck suitable for unmarried women of my age. My neatly pressed dress is knee-length, as is appropriate for this time of year. Our family sits around the table passing the breakfast dishes according to rank, as propriety demands.
All the rules are enough to make my head want to pop off my shoulders, but we have to do it. Mornings like this make me feel like I'm living in a business rather than a family. I know Ma tries to shield us from this as much as possible, but we can only avoid the rules so much before it puts all of us in danger.
As we were cleaning up the breakfast dishes, Ma speaks to me.
"Maria," she hands me a plate, "I had your shoes polished and left by the door. They are under your hook."
I nod and continue to dry the plate in my hand.
"I want you to open the door before you prepare yourself for your meeting. We should allow everyone to see your organization. All right, dear?"
After what I had seen last night, I didn't dare question her. I know none of this could be easy. I quickly scan her face for any signs of distress before answering her, "Yes, Ma. Of course."
She never ceases to amaze me. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe that anything was out of the ordinary in this house. I wish I had inherited her skills in that area. I think I might go down in history as the only person ever to get in trouble because she can't control the looks her face makes.
I do as Ma asks and open the door before I put on my coat and boots. I am careful to sit properly as I lace them up and tie them, so as not to cause any more scandals than usual. I straighten my coat before closing the door and setting out for my meeting. My short heeled boots clack every time they hit the sidewalk.
For the entire duration of my walk, I keep up my usual quick pace unless I have to stop to greet neighbours. I hate greeting neighbours, but I always try to channel my ma and make it look like I am happy to be there talking to them.
When I finally reach the cafe, I can see Alexei at our regular table. To look at him, everything seems normal. His hands are folded on the table and he is looking straight ahead, as though admiring the painting on the wall. I let my eyes linger longer than is appropriate as I smile at the sight of his dark hair against his light skin.
Finally, I push open the door and enter the warmth of the cafe.
"Hello, Alexei," I smile at him and offer my gloved hand, "I apologize for my lateness. Thank you for waiting."
He briefly kisses my hand before responding, "It is no trouble, Maria. I have ordered your tea."
Ever since the new rules came into effect last year, he is required to order food and drink on my behalf. They gave some kind of rationale about knowing if someone was a good spouse by how well they knew your food preferences, but I'm pretty sure that isn't the real reason. Fortunately for me, Alexei and I have been seeing each other long enough that he knows what I like, so it isn't much of a hardship for me.
Alexei gets up to pull out my chair so I can sit down. I remove my gloves and place them on the table as we wait for the tea to arrive.
"How is your education coming along?" Alexei asks. I know he means to be kind with his question, but I am so worried I might fail these exams and have to continue my education for another whole year.
I wish I could sigh here without getting in trouble. Instead, I just shrug, "I don't know. I'm doing my best but there is so much to learn. There are so many things my mom understands that I just don't."
He smiles, a small piece of sadness lingering behind his eyes visible only to me.
"I know you will figure it out. I hope it doesn't take too long," there is still a hint of worry in his expression, but his excitement is palpable now.
"What is it?" I am almost bursting from curiosity but Alexei is unbothered. It is nice that he knows me, not just the me who is allowed out in public.
"I was going to save the news for our meeting with your family this weekend, but I can't." He takes my hand in his and looks at me so intently the rest of the world falls away like a curtain dropping from the sky.
He takes a deep breath, "I've been offered the position at McKenrick's."
My brain screams with excitement at the news, but I manage to keep my face neutral. A position of his own means he can finally leave his parents' house. And if I have a companion with his own house, that means I can soon hope to leave mine.
I was careful to compose myself before I spoke, "That is wonderful news, Alexei. I'm sure Mother and Father will be so pleased to hear of your success."
I smile at him, letting him know I feel more strongly than I am letting on. He smiles back.
It isn't until I hear someone clearing their throat at the table beside us that I realize he is still holding my hand. I rip it back towards my body and fold my hands into my lap. I wonder who else had seen. I take a brief glance around the cafe and don't see anyone I know to be trouble, but you can never be sure who might relay information to the police.
Alexei looks even more white than usual, like all the blood has drained from his face. I can't be sure what he is thinking, but I know what just happened isn't good. It seems no matter how careful I am to follow the rules, my emotions frequently get the better of my brain.
He still looks worried when he finally speaks again, "I would be delighted to escort you home so I can inform your parents of this development."
"Yes, I think that would be best," I try to breathe. This isn't my first time doing something I'm not supposed to do, but there is something about this that makes me think it might be a lot worse than accidentally stepping over a puddle rather than walking around it.
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