After the usual public displays of affection are outlawed, Alexei and Maria are careful to show their love only through the three approved methods. When Alexei tells Maria some exciting news, they forget themselves and hold hands. They're sure the t...
By the time breakfast is cleared off the table and the dishes are washed, I have been up for almost three hours. I am so jittery that it looks like I'm practicing for a role in a dance company. A very bouncy dance company.
"Are you ready to go, dear?" Ma pokes her head around the corner of my room as I am putting the finishing touches on my hair.
"I just have to finish my hair and grab the basket," I try to smile, though I'm not sure how I feel about her at this particular moment. I'm still upset about last night, but I hope Alexei's parents can talk some sense into her.
She looks as though she is going to come in and help me with my hair like she always did when I was little. But instead, she pauses in the doorway.
"I will go get the basket," she says before leaving. "You make sure your hair and dress are done to perfection. I'll be waiting by the door."
Then, without a word of warning, she turns on her heel and heads back down the stairs. Why hadn't she come help me tidy my hair and dress? I haven't passed my exams yet. I'm still a girl. I . . .
Oh. Today is my practice exam. Somehow in all the fuss I had completely forgotten. Two days ago, that exam had been the only thing I thought about. Well, that and the possibility of what happens after the exam. Ever since the hand-holding incident, the exam is the last thing on my mind. Instead, all of my focus is on keeping Alexei safe.
I really should have studied last night.
I have to use the mirror to figure out what is wrong with my dress - an upturned collar. After I smooth down my hair and fix my collar, I think I am presentable for the day's task.
I linger a while in front of my small mirror, my hands still gripping the edge of the counter. Deep breath in. Hold. Slow breath out.
I repeat this exercise another three times before I trust my hands not to shake. Testing the waters, I slowly release my grip on the counter and let my hands fall to my sides. I look at myself in the mirror. Well, it isn't perfect, but it's good enough.
"Coming, Ma!" I call when I hear her start to climb the stairs to check on me. "I had a stubborn piece of hair but it is under control now."
We manage to leave at the perfect time because the whole way to the butcher, we only have to stop to greet one neighbour. Mrs. Richards is a kindly old woman who knits me sweaters and hats because she says her own grandchildren won't accept her gifts. But I met her granddaughter once. We said hello to each other because we were wearing the same hat.
I tend to prefer not speaking to our neighbours, but if I had to pick one to talk to every day, it would be Mrs. Richards.
Fortunately, my practice test does not include ordering meat from the butcher as the rules are very simple and have not changed for generations. You ask for the meat, he gives it to you, you pay. Pleasantries are exchanged when you enter and when you exit. Simple.
"Goodbye, Mr. Scitch," I wave as we leave with our dried meat. Very appetizing. I don't know why Ma buys so much of it, but it isn't my place to ask. So I just suffer in silence on dried meat days. The meat has a name, but I can't remember it.
"The door, Maria," Ma chastises quietly as I forget to hold the door for her. "You are supposed to be practicing for your exam, not making friends with the butcher."
I swing the door open, wishing I was allowed to be dramatic while doing it, "Sorry. I got distracted."
"You cannot afford to be distracted, Maria," a flicker of fear crosses her face so quickly I could easily pretend it never happened. But something in the way she says it makes me think she is just as scared as I am about this whole Alexei incident. What was I thinking, holding his hand at all? I had to know it would lead to that.
We quicken our pace as we approach a part of town I have never been to before.
"Ma, where are we going?"
Asking her questions isn't technically against the rules, only frowned upon, so I decide to risk it.
It's a good thing that looks can't kill.
"I told you, Maria," she looks both ways as though she is on a recon mission, "we are going to see Alexei's parents to discuss our present predicament."
I hurry to her side and whisper just loud enough for her to hear, "I thought our present predicament was being solved by doing nothing and hoping it goes away."
"Oh honestly, Maria," she grabs my arm to encourage me to quicken my pace, "this is not the place to have this conversation."
I am practically running to keep up with Ma as she races down the sidewalk. My shoes clacking on the pavement echo off the buildings in the deserted street.
When Ma finally stops in front of a house, I am running so quickly that I fly out of her grasp and stumble to a stop nearly five metres away.
"Sorry," I whisper as I straighten my dress and walk back towards her. "I didn't realize we had arrived."
We walk up the steps and wait in front of the door. After what seems like an exceedingly rude amount of time, I look at Ma to see why she hasn't rung the bell. She is staring at me with the same look on her face, wondering why I have not done it.
Oh, right. My test again. I ignore Ma's gaze and reach forward to ring the bell. We wait, standing completely still, until a young man opens the door.
"I am . . . uh," I stutter. I wonder how many times I have to mess up before Ma will come to my aid.
"You must be Maria," the man speaks clearly and confidently, as I should be, "please come in."
We leave the dirty, empty street and step into an equally dingy hallway. If Ma is phased, she doesn't show it. The hallway is lined with family pictures of Alexei and his siblings, so I have to assume that's why we are here.
"Hello," I try to keep my voice steady and confident, "I am looking for Alexei."
I look around as neither one of us speaks.
"Is he here?" I finally ask, my voice filled with the confidence I wish it held moments ago.
The young man just points down the hallway and walks ahead of us, as though we should follow. As he walks down the hallway, my mother steps in front of me and tugs my hand slightly as she walks by. I follow her through the maze of hallways until we reach our destination.
When we are led through the door, Alexei is waiting in the dining room with his mother and father. I'm relieved to see him there, looking at me like that.
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