Spillage || TW {18+}

♦ 09 ♦

picture; Lana Sawyer

song; "Running Up That Hill (Mokhov Remix)" by Placebo

author's note; That song is 100% one of my all time favorites. I hope you all like it as well. As for the superrrr overdue update, I'm sorry for the procrastination, but the chapter is quite a long one. I am a stickler for relational development between characters, and I feel it necessary to implement my essential characters' relationships to the protagonist as early as possible.

Lana is a very special character close to my heart, and I hope you guys enjoy her as much as I do. She is truly a ray of sunshine in such a bleak, serious-toned story.

There is talk of sexual assault in this chapter, but doesn't go into graphic details. The topic itself can be triggering however, so I wanted to give readers a fair warning.

Comment + Vote, enjoy!

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I was sat outside in one of the lawn chairs. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon as if it were shy, and I listened to the quiet. Today was our last day out here camping. Saturday was filled with shopping and swimming, and today we were going to SeaWorld per Micah's request.

It was still pretty early, but I was excited, despite the reason why I was up before the sun. The peaceful sleep I had gotten Friday night was the calm before the storm. Last night I had tossed and turned so much, and the few times I managed to fall asleep I had horrid dreams. All these memories I wanted to completely eviscerate came back to caress me lovingly.

A nightmare of things from back in New York. A nightmare of the things I endured after moving to California with my piece of shit father. The whiskey whispers and upturned furniture. The loneliness. The sadness. The betrayal and anger. The unrelenting violation, over and over.

It only made me realize that as much as I wanted to be a part of the Sawyers' family, I was just a guest. My mom was dead, and my brother had abandoned me. My dad was a selfish drunk. I had no one. Not even friends I felt sorry leaving behind in the city. Nothing that actually mattered.

It was a depressing thought, but what else was fucking new?

For the time being, I would enjoy it here with the Sawyers. Maybe I would at least be able to live out the rest of junior year and my senior year with them before I was kicked to the curb. I should be grateful.

I got placed with a family that was filled with kind souls. Compassionate, and genuine do-gooders.

Quite a contrast from my family.

Every one of us was selfish in our own way. My father is the worst, of course.

His inconsiderate carelessness was always on display from the get-go. Never was there an ounce of concern for others emanating from the man.

And my mom. She committed the most selfish act of all. She permanently left me behind with my father. My mom had her issues, but one thing she was best at was being a mom.

She was nurturing, but complacent. Instead of destroying the relationship she held with my father or even destroying him, she took the brunt of it all and destroyed herself.

She protected me like a mother should. She protected me from the harsh words, the harsher fists. My mother was a warrior when it came to me. The only thing that was able to take her out was her own demons. The same demons she wrapped up neatly in an immaculately wrapped gift box to pass on to me.

We shared them, but always kept them separate. The few times we'd spoken about them, guilt clogged the air. Neither one of us wanted to acknowledge them.