Songwriter

Chapter Thirteen

Destiny's POV

Shawn approached my table, carrying the two coffees over with him. My knee was bouncing up and down, and I couldn't control it. My nerves were completely shot, and I barely acknowledged Shawn as he sat down. After a few moments, right as he went to say something, I cut him off and blurted it out. "I broke up with Peter." Shawn just nodded, shifting uncomfortably before pushing my coffee closer. I go to take a sip, but the smell hits me, and I jump out of my chair. I puke into the trash can behind me, emptying what little I did have in my stomach. I heard Shawn jump up, and I felt a hand on my back soon after. My gagging soon stopped, and I stood there panting for a few seconds. I pulled away from the can, and Shawn stepped away from me. We sat down in our spots, and he looked at me wearily. "Are you alright?" He asks me, and I nod. "Yeah, I just ate some bad fish, I think." I lied, using the water I had previously ordered to clean out the bad taste in my mouth. A waiter emerged from the restaurant, placing down the toast and bacon I had ordered. I had asked Shawn ahead of time what he wanted, and he had just wanted a muffin and some eggs and bacon. "So, what did you want to talk about?" He asks me, and I pause. Did I really want to tell him? Shawn does the go in motion, and I let out a sigh. "I... I didn't eat any bad fish." I admit, rubbing my arm. "No." Shawn mutters, leaning back in his chair. Worry crosses his face before he looks down. "How long?" He asks, and I pause in an attempt to remember what the doctor said. "Ten, almost eleven weeks." I whisper, and he nods quietly. "When did you find out?" Shawn inquires, still refusing to look at me. "I'm going to get an abortion." I tell him, trying to avoid his question. "Then why did you tell me?" He asks, obviously upset by my response. I stopped, and I realize he's right. Why did I tell him if it didn't really matter if he knew or not? Do I want him to stop me? My stomach started turning, but this time it was in pain instead of nausea. I take a few deep breaths, trying to work through the pain. Shawn kept eyeing me, waiting for me to respond. It didn't take long for him to realize I wasn't going to respond, so he stood up and took his wallet out. He dropped a few bills on the table and walked off.

~Later That Day~

"And you want me to be in this shoot why exactly?" I asked, struggling not to blink as a makeup artist did my mascara. "Because it's promotional for the new song." Andrew huffed, flipping threw some papers. "I thought Melody and Kai were in this as well." I inquire, and I can feel the irritation steaming from him. "Can we do this when I'm done? This paperwork was supposed to have been filed yesterday." I stay quiet, relishing in the joy of annoying him. I soon frown again as my uterus began to ache again, worse than before. I shove the woman away from my face, diving for the trash can next to the piano. My lunch quickly emptied itself, and I felt someone pull my hair back. I heard someone talking, but I couldn't hear who it was, like it really even mattered right now. I sat back on my heels, leaving my head over the trash can and I gulped down air. If not for the fact I could hear my own breathing I would've thought my hearing aides had fallen off with how quiet the room was. Shawn's tattooed hand came into view with a bottle of water in its grasp. I shakily took it from him, rinsing my mouth out. Red in the face from both embarrassment and puking, I looked around the room. Everyone was looking awkwardly between each other and me. A few were glancing at me and touching their stomachs, immediately assuming I was pregnant. "You can stop speculating things, no, I am not pregnant. I have food poisoning." Everyone let out a sigh of relief, mumbling a few apologies. I just nodded, standing up as Andy called someone, it sounded like the janitor. I sat back down in the make up chair, letting the lady fix and finish my makeup.

~ An Hour Later ~

"Destiny, will you please stay still and get back into position?" The photographer demanded, sounding completely exasperated. I curled tighter into the ball I had turned myself into, tears streaming down my face. I could feel my entire lower abdomen clenching and tightening, just like a period cramp, only much worse. "Des, I think you need to go to the hospital." Shawn whispered to me, stroking my hair. "Shawn, get back into position!" The guy snapped, and I just cried. I could feel my underwear becoming wet, along with my thigh. Finally, I nodded. Shawn whispered an okay before standing up. "Is anybody listening to me?" The photographer bellowed, and Shawn told him to shut up before calling an ambulance. Once he was off the phone, Shawn came back over to me. He pulled me into his lap, but let go of my legs immediately. He held his hand up between us, and we both look at it in shock. Blood, I was bleeding. He hugged me closer, and I could feel his body tensing as he tried to hide the fact he was crying. "Are we not going to finish this shoot?" The photographer asked, and we yelled at him to leave. We just sat there, Shawn holding me as we both cried. I'm not sure how long we were there before the paramedics showed up. They helped me onto the gurney, Shawn trailing behind them as I was rolled towards the ambulance. It quickly became blurry as they were asking questions, trying to figure out why I was bleeding. I was too dazed from the pain and fear to answer. Then a thought hit me, Our Baby. "My baby!" I shouted, over and over again. "Someone check on my baby!" I begged, and someone grabbed a weird machine. I realized we were in the ambulance now. "I'm going to check for a heartbeat." The lady with the machine explained, moving my shirt over my abdomen. It got quiet, but we didn't hear anything. She searched, and searched, but the look she gave me... I knew what was happening. "We'll have a doctor check at the hospital. Maybe your baby is just really well hidden, or it could be because we're in a moving ambulance." She lied, trying to reassure us. "Shawn!" I sobbed, reaching behind me. He reached forward, grabbing my hand. "I'm right here." He called out. I didn't even want the baby this morning, why do I so suddenly want this baby? I asked myself, sobbing. I felt something moving inside me, trying to exit my body, causing me to grip Shawn's hand harder. "Something's coming out!" I panicked. The paramedic asked the driver how far out we were, only to find out we were pulling in now. Next thing I know, I'm in a hospital room, being undressed from the waist down. The doctor looks at me, a look of sadness hidden behind his mask. I feel whatever was trying to come out finally exit my body, and the doctor is holding my baby in his hand. I gently take her out of his hand, tears streaming down my face. "It's a girl," the doctor says quietly. She was somewhere between one and two inches long. "Shawn..." I squeaked out, staring at the tiny form in my hand. "I'm going to give the three of you some time, I'll be back in about an hour." The doctor interrupts, stepping out of the room. Shawn sits down on the bed to my left, cradling my hand in his. "After we spoke this morning, I started rethinking getting an abortion," I admitted, "like it even matters now." Gently, Shawn touches her tiny stomach with his thumb, lightly rubbing it. "She's beautiful," he whispers, and he's right. We sat in silence for a few more minutes before Shawn pulled away, his phone ringing. He stepped out of the room, leaving me alone with our dead daughter. Quietly, I began to sing to her. "All in a moment... the earth has felt that final beat... of another forced goodbye... a thousand tears could never bring you back... all our heartache has proven that..." I pull her to my chest, tears streaming down my face. I wracked my brain, trying to come up with a name for her. "Cadence Marie." I whispered, thinking it to be a perfect name for her. After a few more minutes Shawn emerges from the hallway, and I'm singing that verse again. "That's beautiful, Des, where did you hear that from?" Shawn asks, settling back down beside me. "I wrote it, after we lost Angel." I admit, Shawn nodding quietly beside me. "What do you think of the name Cadence Marie?" I inquire, looking up at Shawn. He dips his head down, slowly moving it one way and then the other, like he was considering it. Then I saw his lips move to soundlessly say the name before he finally gives a sad smile, "I like it. Cadence Marie it is. Who's last name?" He asks, and I pause. "Why not yours?" I ask him, and he nods. "Cadence Marie Mendes, it is then." I lean into him, allowing Shawn to see Cadence again. I offer her to him, seeing if he wants to hold her. Shawn shakily takes her, and I watch his reaction. "I don't want the doctors to take her back to their labs." I tell Shawn, and he nods. "She's our baby, not some science experiment," Shawn agrees, and I nod with him. "Do you mind if I add to your song?" Shawn asks me, and I nod. Just like that, Shawn's beautiful voice began to fill the room.

"All in a moment...
The earth has felt that final beat
Of another forced goodbye...
A thousand tears...
Could never bring you back...
All our heart aches
Have proven that

Dreams in painted gold...
That is all I've been given to hold...
I never wanted to let you go...

Where is my goodbye?
There was no time
I'm so tired of letting go...
Another forced goodbye..."

Someone knocks on the door, and without an answer, a nurse walks in with two blankets. Wordlessly, she drapes one over me and gives me this tiny blanket for Cadence. "Do you want help to wrap her?" She asks kindly, and Shawn pipes up, "She has two older siblings, thank you though." The nurse nods, leaving us alone again. Carefully, we wrap Cadence in this tiny blanket. Despite how small it is, it's still far too large for her. There's another knock soon after we finish swaddling Cadence, and a doctor walks in, but it wasn't the same one from earlier. "You've had your time. Now, we need to run some tests on the fetus." He says, grabbing our daughter from Shawn. "Be careful with her! She doesn't need to be torn up before we bury her!" I call out, reaching for our daughter. "Bury her? There's no need, this fetus isn't even a person, there's nothing to bury." The doctor scoffs, and I begin to cry. "That's my daughter you're talking about! She is very much a person! Just because she looks different doesn't mean she's not a baby." I son, and Shawn gets up, reaching for our daughter. "You do not have our permission to run tests on our daughter." Finally, the doctor lets Shawn have her. He storms out, leaving us alone again. Our normal doctor comes right in afterwards, asking what just happened. As we explain, and his jaw drops. "That is not how we treat patients here. I will be passing this information along to Human Resources. If you're ready to go on home, I have your discharge papers ready. All you have to do is sign them." I nod, sitting up better. I sign the papers, and we begin to get ready to leave.