the curious happenstance of pedro pascal and din djarin [The Mandalorian]

You know, I have a dog.

17/2/2020

I cannot put into words the amount of shame I feel. Pedro, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this burden I've placed upon you. I have brought you and your life nothing but pain.

I rely on you. I lean on you when my legs are too weak to stand. It's not okay, and I'm sorry.

I came to this world with nothing and expected everything. It has been nearly two months of security and safety and, yet, I still am not satisfied. It is unlike me to grasp at what I don't have when I know I don't deserve it.

I will earn your trust. I won't lash out. It won't be easy, but I'll do it.

I'm sorry for driving Jon away. I'm sorry for being sour. I'm sorry for ignoring you and refusing to talk. I'm sorry for the burden you must endure to ensure my health and well-being.

I'm sorry that I don't know how to articulate this to you, in person. The written word has always come easier to me. I've never dealt with so many feelings at once. Every time you say I am "emotionally repressed" I can't help but feel that it's the truth. I shoved all emotions away for thirty years. If I didn't, I would never have made a decent Mandalorian.

They don't teach us about feelings. They teach you to fight, and to love children, they teach the language, they teach you The Way and how you must follow it.

But they are all distant. We do not talk, except to train. Bonds are created in fighting. We would wake up early in the day and we would spar and at the end of the day, we sleep.

Nothing of feelings. They give us our armour and send us on our way. At least, that was my Tribe. I'm unsure of any others.

I'm sorry that I never had the sense to learn about emotions. I'm sorry that I rely on you to identify them for me.

I want to spend time with you. Not just in passing, not just at meals - I want to get to know you and I want you to help me understand myself.

Everything was taken from me from the moment I found myself here. You are all I have. But... I will understand if you choose to let me go, and have me find my own way. I will not complain or beg. If you would have me gone, then I will leave.

If you choose to allow me to stay, however, I only ask that you give me time and that you are patient.

I ask that you please do not stress over me. You have your life, and it should not be disrupted by mine. I will not complain.

If it's alright... I would like to meet the actress who plays Cara. Perhaps not soon, but sometime, in the future, I would like it.

I will attempt to rid my feelings for Omera. Or more specifically, in this case, Julia. I don't want your conversations with her to be hindered by me.

And should it be possible, I'd like to come to the set once more. I want to see the process behind everything, and I believe it would be fascinating to see you act. I understand how this could be difficult, however, because you would be showing me parts of my life that I'm yet to actually live.

At this point, though, I don't really care.

I don't think I'll be going back anytime soon.

If ever.

Before this gets too lengthy, I'd just like to say...

I do not expect forgiveness. For not only making my burdens your own but also for making you feel unsafe.