the curious happenstance of pedro pascal and din djarin [The Mandalorian]

the eye

12th April, 2020

Only three hours had passed when he woke up again. The early morning sunlight was just barely peeking through the blinds, shining ever so subtly on the wall and the bed. It shone in just the right spot, however, for the light to be immediately in his eye. He rolled over, fully intending to go back to sleep, but... something stopped him. He squinted up at the alarm clock. 8am.

Too early. Could sleep the whole rest of the day, if he really wanted to, but...

He pushed himself up into a sitting position, his back pressed against the headboard. A headache. Already, a headache. Pounding behind his forehead. Screaming at him for daring to do anything but sleep, sleep, sleep, for the love of god, sleep...

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Willed the headache to go away. It didn't. It would remain, for the rest of the day, he imagined. Until he could sleep again.

His legs felt heavy. So did his arms, and his head, but he pushed himself up off the bed anyway. Whose room was he in? It had to be Pascal's. He'd said Chris could take his bed earlier, hadn't he? Christ, the man was too kind for his own good.

Christopher paused before the door, his hand resting on the handle. Was it too early? Would no one else be awake? Maybe Peri would be, but he didn't- he didn't want to face Peri. Not yet.

He felt the cut on his cheek. It still stung. Physically, yes, but... emotionally, for the most part.

He fucked up. He knew he fucked up. From the moment he saw his phone light up with those messages, he knew, from then, that he'd fucked up. Didn't respond. Couldn't respond, needed to protect him, how else was he supposed to protect him, they took Ivana and they took Sam because he cared and if they knew how much he cared about Peri then they would take him too.

What was he supposed to do? With a bugged phone, and those bastards watching his every move? Waiting, waiting for him, to fall for their bait.

They knew he was trying to gather help. They also knew that he wouldn't get it, so of course, of course, they wouldn't care. But contacting Peri... he couldn't risk that.

He couldn't. He couldn't. Not him. Couldn't risk losing him.

It was strange. Caring for someone so much. Someone like him, someone like Peri.

A man in the alley. Cold. Dying. Took him in, gave him food, clothes, shelter...

He didn't expect to get attached. He never wanted to, but Peri latched on to him like a child and suddenly, suddenly...

At first, he'd thought he'd fallen in love. Mistook the caring for something else. Naive, looking back on it. It was just- he'd never cared, so much, in this way, for anyone other than Ivana. And his family.

Risking Peri's safety... he couldn't. Not then, not now, not ever. That bullet, he remembered that bullet. It nearly took Peri away. Felt like so long ago... but he remembered it all. That gun, and then suddenly, on the ground, and the shot ringing out... Peri took the bullet.

For him. Why him? He couldn't understand it. He still didn't. He loves you his mind would say, and then he'd correct it; he's in love with me. He didn't understand that, either. He'll move on, he'd think, but then years go by...

Peri had someone else, now. Good. Good, finally, he can stop wasting his love on me. But that look, that look... stop wasting your love on me, please, please, please.

Your perception is warped. I'm not a good person. Why do you still love me?

His legs hurt. Checked the clock again. Another hour had passed. Time to head downstairs, he supposed.