the curious happenstance of pedro pascal and din djarin [The Mandalorian]

Teddy Bear

TW: suicidal ideation, cancer, & abortion/labour

28th April 2020

"You've been quiet today." Ivana lowered herself onto the couch. She rested her head on Chris' shoulder, sighing. "More than usual."

"Mm. Thinking," he hummed. About several things. Most of them bad. All of them exhausting. Gabriel, for one. He didn't want to think about Gabriel. But the thoughts persisted.

"About what?" She brought her knees to her chest. A habit born from hiding her stomach. He didn't miss how she massaged her belly with circular motions.

Chris sighed. "About how my entire personality revolves around me being sad."

"Pah. That's not true."

"Feels like it is."

"Well, that's not what I see."

"What do you see?"

There was momentary silence while she thought through the question. "I see..." She caressed her stomach gently. "I see a very intelligent and very handsome man."

He scoffed, but smiled and blushed all the same. "Thanks."

"Mm, I mean it."

"I'm skin and bone." He held out one arm as if to prove it. "Look. I used to be chubby."

"You were never chubby. A bit round, maybe, in the face."

"I want to be chubby."

"Mm, wouldn't suit you. Maybe if you were shorter."

"I've always thought I'd be better off shorter than you."

She giggled into the palm of her hand. "I can't imagine that!"

"Maybe I can walk on my knees?"

"I'd step on you." She gave him a sly look, and he already knew what she was going to say. "Is what you always wanted, yes?"

"Shh, don't say that out loud."

He couldn't remember the last time he saw her smile. A proper one with teeth, not forced, not to make him feel better, or to lie to him with a soft 'I'm okay'. Now she smiled. And she laughed. She teased him and made him blush, just like she used to. Through that, he could find the energy to smile, too.

She elbowed him lightly, then sighed. Not like all the other sighs. More content than anything else.

"I feel good today," she said.

Chris looked at her. "Yeah?"

"No nausea. No dizziness. Craving some cucumbers, though, and my back hurts a bit."

"Cucumbers? A pickle, one might say?"

"Yes, I..." She blinked, then gasped at the realisation. "Oh, you— you're just as bad as your sister!"

"I think she's much worse, actually."

"Oh, yes, almost certainly."

He smiled softly. He reached for her hand, and rested his two fingers on her wrist. Under her skin, a faint heartbeat. One little organ, so small, and the basis for all life. Their baby would have a heartbeat, now.

Their baby. The tiniest little thing. Barely alive at all, no consciousness, no self-awareness.

Chris knew Ivana had considered aborting it. She didn't need to downright say so for him to know. He'd watch her caress her belly at night with a sad frown, then sigh and rub her eyes as a bout of nausea overtook her. Truthfully, he'd considered it, too. But it was her body, her choice. And so far, she'd chosen to have it, even if it could risk everything. Even if its life would be hell. Even if it grew up with a grieving widow as a mother.