Falling for the Enemy || Captain America || Book 1

Chapter 23: Temptations from the Devil

I wish I was still that innocent I being to think, observing the children at play as they throw the Frisbee back and forth, oblivious to the fact that are so many creatures out in the world that could cause them harm. Creatures that they don't even know exist. Creatures that are not only from this planet, but universes and galaxies everywhere. Creatures that are far from innocent. If they knew, would they still be innocent? Or would their pure little hearts be corrupted? Tainted? Like mine. I wasn't even innocent when I was a baby. I was a monster from day one, ever since I was born. Killing my own mother. Of course it wasn't on purpose, yet my own dad can't seem to let that go. It's not like I had a say in the matter. People die. Gods die. Creatures die. It's the circle of life. Granted, there may be 500 or so years between Gods and humans but they still end up dying. Everything dies. Everyone dies. It's an inevitable curse. Or is it a gift? To not be forced through the agony and misery of life forever?

So many things hurt you in life. Family. Friends. Enemies. Hatred. Vengeance. Revenge. Love. Love. Such a peculiar word, isn't it? How a simple four letter word – two vowels and two consonants – could cause so much misery. So much pain. Yet from that pain, we also find happiness and joy. You need the bad times as well as the good. Without bad times, how would we know what were good times? Would we expect these 'good times' twenty-four seven? Would we grow so accustomed to these good times that they are no longer good times but average times? A normality? In the end, everything leads to love.

Love can be a weakness, an Achilles' heal. Most people see it that way. I see it that way. Yet I've been told that it could also be one's strength. In moments where there is no hope, love will prevail, pushing you further until you exceed your limits and accomplish the impossible. Love doesn't drive everything though. There's also a lust for power. There's greed. There's revenge. In the end, there are more bad concepts than there are good yet good seems to prevail each time. How? What makes the good concepts so... powerful? What even is the meaning of the word good? Or bad? Bad things. Good things. In the end it is all opinionated. Hitler thought what he was doing was right. What he was doing was good. And to him, it was. To us, not so much. We believe what he did was bad. He believed it was good. It's all a fantasy, some kind of perfect utopia.

You know what else is a fantasy? Justice. Justice is yet another opinionated concept that people believe to be a proven and authentic law. It's not. Justice can be seen from so many different points of view. For example, if a man murdered a group of women, children, elderly and so on and so forth, and then was put to 'justice' by a life sentence in jail, that would be seen as justice from a political or democratic point of view. What about the families of those people? Of those children? Of those elderly? They would think justice is the man facing death himself, that he should get a taste of his own medicine. Is that justice? Is that fair? Because it all comes down to what he deserves which is once again, an opinion. Those people that died had families that cared for them, that loved them and he ripped them from their grasp forever. Huh, there's that word again. Love.

Love has thrown me around like a pinball in a pinball machine my whole life. I love Ally as a best friend and sister, which is why I've stayed alive and battled to make sure she lives no matter what, even if the price for that is my own life. I love Nick as if he was my own father, which he kind of is. More than my real dad anyway. Who, friendly reminder, tried to take over my planet. My home. Luckily he was stopped by the Avengers. By Tinman, Tasha, Barton, Thor, Banner and Steve. Steve.

I couldn't' take talking about him much longer with Iron ass before, I needed out and I needed it instantly. I do believe that that conversation strengthened our friendship though. Somewhere behind all those witty remarks and that sarcastic personality of his is a good man. A man in love with a woman named Pepper Potts. What is with that word? Love. I hate it. Do I? I don't know. Tinman and Ally believe I love Steve. I can't though. Love is a luxury I cannot afford. It's bad enough that I love Ally and Nick, now the Avengers and Fantastic Four are growing on me. Even Johnny. Mother freaking Johnny Storm.