First Snow

Chapter 5- Denial

Jimin stood in the middle of the room quietly for a moment, his eyes closed.
Jungkook took a long breath and then looked away. If Jimin opened his eyes and looked at him, he would surley see what Jungkook had realized.
He was in love with his best friend.
And he could never know.
Everyone else was staring at Jimin, obviously shocked over his performance. All but one. Namjoon was looking at Jungkook with an unreadable expression.
He immediately turned red and turned away. Had he seen? Did he know?
Jungkook felt the floor beneath him staring to shake. He needed to get out.
Jumping to his feet he turned to Jimin, but didn't dare look him directly in the eyes yet.
"That was great Jimin. Really! But I think I gotta go now. It's late and I don't wanna be late at my first day tomorrow."
With that said, he grabbed his stuff, waved a quick goodbye and left.
He could feel the confused looks of the group staring at his back, Jimin's the most hard one to ignore but he did. The moment he stepped outside into the fresh October air, he sucked in a cold breath and started walking home.
He had never wondered about being gay. He was pretty sure he wasn't. He had had a girlfriend and some other flings with girls before. And not all of it was bad. He liked girls. He did.
But then why did Jimin leave such an impression on him? He knew there was a word for liking both girls and boys, but he didn't want to think about it.
He would get over it, surley.
But as he walked, block for block, Jimin's face and voice kept coming back, haunting him. Angry at himself, he walked faster- and then bumped into something with full force. He heard a high pitched cry and turned to look down. A girl was on her ass, rubbing her knees as she shot him an angry glare.
"Can't you look where you're going?"
Jungkook was perplexed for a second. It had happened so fast. But when he realized he must have knocked her down by accident, he immediately helped her up.
"I'm so sorry. My mind was somewhere else."
The girl, around his age with hazelnut eyes and long black hair looked at him for the first time, her eyes going big. She shook her head forcefully.
"No, no, it's allrigh lt. I was walking pretty fast myself. Don't worry about it."
She was cute, Jungkook decided. And small. He liked small.
Feeling a bit reckless and in need to prove something to himself, he smiled down at her.
"I am really sorry. Let me make it up to you with a drink?"
He never asked out girls directly. He was usually way to shy, but tonight was different.
The girl stared at him with lovey-dovey eyes.
"Ähm, it's really not necessary. It was an accident."
" I insist. Only if you want to, of course..." he added, unsure if he was coming off a bit creepy.
But the girl nodded her head excitedly.
"Well, if that's so, I'd gladly say yes. I wasn't in the mood to go home anyway. I'm Lisa, by the way."
She hold out her hand.
He took it.
"Jeon Jungkook."

They went to a little bar Lisa knew and he payed her a drink. She was from Thailand, but had moved to Korea with her family when she was 16. She worked as a stylist and make up artist, which Jungkook thought, fitted her. She was beautiful. They also shared a love for photography and they talked for hours. He liked her and after they had exchanged numbers and promised to meet again soon, he felt happy.
He smiled as she waved goodbye and the smile didn't fade as he started walking again.
And then Jimin shot through his mind again and his smile faltered. He forced himself to think about the lovely evening he had with Lisa and finally made it to his apartment.

Work was as he expected.
Not too boring but not too exciting either. His colleges greeted him openly and friendly and he asked them to take care of him well. For the next hours, he mostly listened to others explain where stuff was, what he would be doing exactly and how to manage the coffee machine.
All in all it was a good first day.
If not for the text messages.
Jimin had written him a few times this morning, asking if he was okay, then if something had happened. In the last message he had asked if it was something he had done that upset Jungkook.
He felt terrible for not answering, but he didn't know how to explain.
So he wrote Lisa instead.
They discovered that they didn't work that far from each other and met up for lunch.
He actually managed to push the thoughts of Jimin to the back.
For a while.
Until he called.
"Aren't you gonna take that? It's ringing the second time now?"
Jungkook looked at her over his cup of coffee.
He didn't know what to say. He had never been good at lying, so he picked up. Jimin's voice sounded urgent
"Jungkook, finally. I've been trying to reach you. Is everything all right?"
Hearing his voice did strange things to his stomach.
He looked over at Lisa who politely pretended to be busy on her phone.
"Everything is fine. I'm sorry for not texting back, I was just busy with my first day and everything. I freaked out yesterday too, because I didn't feel like I was prepared enough."
He hated lying. Especially to Jimin.
"Oh, I'm relieved.. Thought something had happened. So, how was your first day?"
Jungkook gladly told him all about it, as long as Jimin would ask about last night.
"So, are you coming over tonight? Jin is bragging about the food he bought again. He is already in the kitchen."
In the background Jungkook could hear Seokjin shouting something that sounded like: if he doesn't show, I'm gonna beat him up, maknae or not!
Jungkook couldn't help but laugh.
"All right, all right, I'll come. But I'll bring the alcohol. I feel like I'm taking way too much from your apartment."
He heard Jimin's excited 'yeah ' from the other end of the phone and he hung up.
When he looked up, he noticed that Lisa was no longer pretending to be busy, but was watching Jungkook with an odd expression.
" Who was that? " she asked unsure.
" Oh, " he said and showed her the phone screen that still showed the missed call from Jimin.
"My best friend, Jimin. He invited me over to celebrate my first day of work."
Lisa looked uncomfortable, playing with an earring.
"oh.. That's good..", she stammered.
"I was... I mean I was kinda worried it was your girlfriend".
Jungkook almost chocked from his tea.
"No, what? No he is just a friend."
Lisa seemed happy and they returned to their conversation, but Jungkook couldn't really concentrate anymore. He quickly left after their lunch and counted the time until he could leave work.
On the way home he bought some Soju and beer and then headed straight for the boy apartment.
It felt more like his walk home than anything.
Taehyung let him in with a big grin.
"Congrats our golden Maknae!"
"Golden?"
"Yeah. Sounds cool right? Because gold is like a special color that everybody wants right? I think about colors a lot. Like purple. Did you know it is the last color of the rainbow. So, purple is like a word for last. Kinda cool, huh?"
Someone might think Taehyung is a little crazy, but what he really was, was thoughtful. Jungkook liked that about him.
" It does sound cool. And you could say like: I purple you, meaning I love you until the end?"
Taehyung smiled even brighter.
" Exactly!! I thought of that too! We really think the same. Woah.. Isn't it so cool? A love until the end."
At that exact moment, Jimin came to greet them and Jungkook heart nearly stopped beating.
" JK, you made it! ", he said happily. He was wearing a white large, long sleeved sweater that reached almost to his knees and white trousers. Add that to the white hair and he looked like an angel. A literal angel.
"I.." he stammered and then held up the bag he was holding.
"I brought the alcohol."
"Awesome," Jimin said in the same moment Taehyung said "Eww".
The went into the living room and chatted a bitz mostly about the new work and how he liked it.
He wanted to tell them about Lisa too. You normally told friends that kind of stuff, but Jimin's presence made him not want to talk about.
Not because he didn't want to tell him, but because he was afraid Jimin might do what he always did: encourage him. And somehow that thought made him want to keep his mouth shut.
Namjoon walked in through the door, clearly only now returning from the library with books stacked upon his arms.
"Hey guys. Oh, hey JK. You're here too?
Jungkook smiled at him and hoped he wouldn't say anything about yesterday.
" Yeah, we're celebrating his first day of work. " Jin shouted from the kitchen.
" I thought we did that yesterday? " Suga said, having come out of his room at the smell of food.
"That was the day before. Now he actually worked for the first time." Taehyung defended.
" When is the food ready?" Suga asked blantly.
"In a few minutes. Hoseok wrote that he will be home by then. He had late practice today."
Jungkook smiled at the wamth he felt hearing them talk like such a real family when he noticed Jimin had been quiet. He looked over just in time to see him turn his head away jerkily.
" I'll set the table. " Jimin offered out of the blue and jumped up.
"I'll help you, Jimin", JK offered, but Jimin waved him off.
"No, no, you're a guest."
Namjoon, who had put away his coat and books cleared his voice at that.
"I was actually thinking about that."
"About what?" he asked.
An unsure expression crossed over Namjoons face, as if he was uncertain whether he should speak. But then he smiled a goofy smile.
"I think you should move in."