First Snow

Chapter 10- You Fall Father When You Stand On The Top

He met up with Lisa on Monday.
She greeted him like whirlwind, excitedly telling him about the new job she landed.
Jungkook, who had felt like he was a trapped animal at work, immediately felt better. Her positive energy and happy smile made even made him forget that he had to go back soon.
They went to their usual Cafe and sat down in their usual seats.
"So, Jungkook, tell me. How are things going for you in the new flat?"
"They are great. I mean the boys... They are more like family than friends."
Lisa smiled as she took a sip from her coffee.
"That sounds great. I'm really glad your happy."
Jungkook could hear the 'but' from miles away.
"But??", he fished and saw Lisa put down her cup, eying him with a worried look.
"But are you really? You seem really freaking happy sometimes, and then from one second to the next you're broody, like some dark thought crossed your mind. Is it work? You really hate it that much?"
He did. But that wasn't it.
No.
It was Jimin.
It was the thought about their future. Day by day Jimin had said, but Jungkook couldn't help but think of what would be in a week, in a month, in a year from now.
" See, there you go again! " Lisa exclaimed and Jungkook sighed.
He didn't know what to tell her. He had told her so much... About work and family and.. Well just about anything. He looked at Lisa and realized she had become a confidant--someone Jungkook trusted and sought out for counsel. And this problem... He couldn't ask the boys for help.
Lisa cleared her throat and looked a bit unsure as she spoke.
"Look, JK. I'm just assuming.." she started, playing nervously with her cup. "And if I'm wrong, I'm sorry. But.. It's about him, isn't it?"
Jungkook's eyes widened.
"It's Jimin, right?"
"You.. How do you?" he sat back hard, the chair protesting about his force with a little moan.
"Am I that obvious?"
Lisa laughed. It sounded both relieved and mocking at the same time.
"You want the real answer?"
"Just say it.", Jungkook groaned, hiding his face behind his hands.
"You sound and look like a little puppy every time you even mention him! Remember last week when you ran off to meet him? I haven't seen anyone so freaking happy to meet a 'friend'." she made invisible quotation marks in the air.
Jungkook slowly lifted his hands away from his face and saw her grin.
" And.. You're not.. Mad about it? I mean, I felt kinda bad because I wasn't sure if you thought
.. You know... that we. ..?" he stammered horribly.
"That we would get together?" Lisa finished for him with an easy smile and nodded her head.
"Well, I did think so at the begining. I, mean look at you! You're tall, cute, friendly and we share tons of hobbies. But then I realized your heart was somewhere else, and honestly, I rather have you as a friend. Relationships..." she went quiet, thinking of the right words to say.
" Relationships take a lot of work, and sometimes not even that is enough."
" So.. " Jungkook asked leaning a bit closer so he could speak more quietly.
" What exactly does one do if they want a relationship to.. You know... Work out?"
Lisa smiled, obviously happy Jungkook was so clearly asking her for advice. He never felt happier to have a friend like her.
"First and foremost: be honest."
Honest? He was honest with Jimin wasn't he? Then he glanced at Lisa and realized that for some reason, he still hadn't told him about her.
He would, he decided.
The moment he got home, he would tell Jimin about it.
"And?"
"Well, timing is often important as well. You know things like going on your first date, telling him you love him, introducing him to you're family-"
She suddenly stopped and looked at him with sympathy rather than pity.
"Ah.. So it's the family, huh? I can tell by your face. Is it that bad?"
Jungkook could feel the turmoil in his heart. He felt torn.
"I don't know. My dad.. Maybe- maybe he would understand some day. But my mom..." he sighed and rubbed his eyes, suddenly getting angry.
"She has this plan for me- This idea of who I am supposed to be. Successful, rich with a respected wife and kids. She's never asked me if I wanted to go study in Los Angeles. She just came to my room one day and told me the great news of my upcoming travel."
He felt frustrated.
Lisa was watching him, patiently as he rambled on.
He knew what she was going to say before she said it and he rolled her eyes.
" But?? ", she asked sweetly.
Jungkook shoulders dropped, the anger leaving him.
" But she's my mother... I know it wasn't easy for her to send me to America, but she did it because she thought it was the best for me. And it's not her fault she was born into believing that.. You know, two men.."
He couldn't say it.
"You mean she wouldn't accept that your gay?"
He made a face to which Lisa replied with an eye roll.
"What? You don't like the word? Isn't that exactly what is keeping you and Jimin apart? The fact that other people cringe at the it too? Because we were tought that being gay is a bad thing?"
Jungkook flushed a deep red.
"Look," Lisa began, a bit softer.
"I'm in the model industry. That means I meet a lot of people  from a lot of countries. And if there has been one thing I've learned, no matter who you love or what you identify yourself with, if you don't accept it and don't love yourself for it, you're never going to be happy. So please, JK, try to love yourself. "
Jungkook was momentarily speechless.
No one had ever talked so directly from the heart with him.
Lisa glanced at her watch.
" Oh, shoot. I' m sorry, JK, I gotta run." she grabbed her stuff and threw a few bills on the table.
" I'll pay today. Oh, and JK?"
She shot him one last sweet smile.
"Be strong? Start thinking about what you want. Others shouldn't do that for you. Not even parents."
And with that she was off.
He thought about what Jimin had told him as well.
"You gotta go after your own dreams. You can't live up to someone else's."
Jungkook sat there for a long time, the time ticking by. He sat long after he should have returned to work.
Then he went back and quit his job.

He walked though the streets of Seoul, taking pictures and videos, a smile playing on his lips. He felt freer then he ever had, his camera like a promise of the futur in his hand. He decided then and there that he would stop at nothing to become a camera man and photographer. He wanted to make movies and create wonders for people to watch, not sit in some office, shuffling numbers.
That was his dream.
And he would chase it.
He was just a few blocks from their house when his phone rang.
He knew ist couldn't be Jimin since he would have left for dance practice.
It was his first big performance tonight and all of them would be going. He was already smiling when he thought how happy Jimin would bee if he told him about quitting his job.
He was right- it wasn't Jimin calling.
It was Namjoon.
"Hey what's up? I got some news." he said as a way of greeting.
"That's awesome JK, but I think you should wait with that and come over quickly."
Namjoon sounded worried. Like really worried and Jungkook stopped in the middle of the walkway.
"Why? What is it?"
"You're mother came for a visit."
Jungkook swore.
Now of all days?
Of course he had told her about the move in but he didn't think she would just show up without announcement, and today off all days! She really had timing!
"And.. That's not all."
Namjoon spoke quietly, clearly trying not to be overheard.
Jungkook grew more and more uneasy.
"Jimin is here too."
Jimin? What was he doing home? Wasn't he at Pre-rehearsal?
Panic started to rise.
Namjoon wouldn't be calling if there wasn't something wrong.
"Namjoon, tell me.", he urged. He felt sick and there was a sour taste in his mouth all of a sudden.
There was a small sigh from the other end of the phone.
"Well, I'm not sure Jimin is taking it well that you have a girlfriend."
Jungkook dropped his phone.
Then he started running