On The Darkest Night [2]

Change of Plans

18
Change of Plans
Season Two: Episode 9

"Have you ever had a dream where you're falling? Like someone pushed you off the top of a thirty-story building and you, well, you're just falling. No one can save you, you can't even save yourself. Then, just before you hit the ground, you wake up?" There was a distance in Alister's eyes as he spoke.

The members of his group, a group that met in a stuffy church basement, hung on his every word. They watched and waited with expectance.

"I feel like I'm stuck in that dream. That the past month has been me free-falling. Trouble is, I can't quite seem to wake up. I-I feel... I feel like I've already hit the ground. Now I'm just this shell, like a zombie, or something." Said Alister.

He watched few nod. Some bummed as if they understood, others held a blank stare.

"You still haven't answered the question," Said the group facilitator.

Alister turned to her. Dr. Aida fixed her eyes on him. "You've come to group for two weeks now. We've all given you the space to feel comfortable in sharing and I can assure you, everyone appreciated your disclosure. However, you still haven't answered the question as to why you're here."

Alister nodded. "I.." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.

"There are no wrong answers, Bro." Said a guy sitting across from him.

"I.. I didn't want to come. I didn't even want to leave my bed, but someone really close to me begged me to. He did something I didn't expect from him, something I don't even think he understands the magnitude of."

"What did he do?" Asked a girl.

Alister turned to her and gave his answer. "He put me first. I know that sounds weird and esoteric but I've known him for fourteen years and he's always put the greater good of our... friend group over everything else. It was always about the group, and never about me."

"And this motivated you to come to group?"

Alister nodded. "I know that I should fight for myself and want to feel better on my own, but I-I couldn't. It's just so hard, being alive is hard."

"This is the best first step," Said a redhead woman in a neon green tracksuit. She winked at him. A short-haired woman beside her glared. Her hands were tucked into her pockets.

"Well, I for one, am glad you're alive. I've been there, I've wanted to give up before. Even went as far as to give myself these lovely battle scars." A man flashed 2 deep scars on his arms. They traveled down his wrists and met his elbow.

Alister winced at the sight.

"Gnarly right? The doctors said I shouldn't even be alive, I thought they were right too. But here I am, three years later, alive and kicking. Still coming to group with these lovely people." He joked. Light laughter echoed around the room.

Alister fought the urge to rub the wounds upon his back. "How do you.. you live with them? Seeing them every day like that. Reminding you of what happened."

"They are reminders of what I survived. I was at my lowest and did the unthinkable, but I got a second chance and I promised myself I'd never take it for granted. I won't lie, it was hard at first, but now? I wouldn't trade these scars for anything."

The rest of the meeting went by fairly quickly. By the time the clock ran out, Alister found himself reluctant to leave. The people in this group understood him. They didn't need the gory details, but they understood.