Sensibility

Chapter 2

"She was without any power, because she was without any desire of command over herself."

-Jane Austen Sense and Sensibility

"What are you?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize just how crazy they sound. I urge myself to take them back, but they're long gone drifting between us. Surprisingly, his smile doesn't waver at my crazy question. He continues to grin and hold my gaze. I suddenly become more uncomfortable than I have ever been. Not being able to read his emotions leaves me frozen and unsure of how to even move my body.

Luckily, Tori's comforting laugh fills the void between us. "Oh Nikki," she joyously radiates playing off my question as some humorous joke we were all in on. "She's just being playful Zayn," she smiles moving to place a hand on his shoulder. "That's our Nik," she adds smiling like a fool at me clearly indicating I do the same.

I force a small smile, playing along. Zayn still stands before me smiling, not once breaking our gaze. "Hi," he finally says holding out his hand for a shake.

I take it quickly, not planning to blurt another awkward sentence. "I'm Nicole," I blabber while his warm hand connects with mine. I expect to feel the sensation through his touch. With my experience, emotions only become bolder with human contact. However, yet again, I feel nothing. It's just his warm hand, ever so carefully connecting with mine.

"Nice to meet you Nicole," he says as I quickly pull my hand back. The unfamiliar sense of his presence and touch are making my mind run wild, and his deep voice booms into me like a wave lapping at the shore. I don't dare look away.

"Zayn, just finished the musical program at USC," Tori beams still draping a hand on his shoulder. "He's planning," she continues taking a small drink out of her red cup. "of going to New York City this summer."

What a coincidence, I think while taking a large gulp of my own drink. I need alcohol to drown out the tight feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have never met anyone who I couldn't feel. They were always around me glowing and freely offering their feelings out to me. Even the smallest living things like plants emit a soft show of emotion to my open eyes. What was different about this guy? Could it be possible that he just doesn't feel anything? No, that's insane. Everyone feels something.

With each passing moment, Tori drones on about school, the weather, the enjoyment of the party, and I feel myself start to fade away with the aid of my beverage. Zayn stands by Tori listening intently, and putting in a few words of his own. He seems nonchalant and relaxed, but my brain is doing overtime trying to peg his true feelings. It is frustrating and terrifying all at once.

"Um," I say finally cutting in. "I need another drink." I give Tori a quick nod letting her know she should continue on, and I slip past her into the kitchen. I feel Zayn follow my movements, but I intentionally avoid his eyes. He certainly is trying to diagnose my mental illness by now.

I quickly mix myself another strong drink and take a gulp letting it burn down my throat. I brush my bangs out of my eyes and start counting to control my breathing. 1, I think letting my eyes close off from those around me. Today is my one, and I will not let this man dispose of everything I've worked so hard to gain control of. It doesn't matter who he is, or what he is. For all I know, he is just an emotionless man who feels nothing.

"Nikki," I hear my name come from a male voice and my eyes shoot open.

I catch the long frantic waves by my side and I turn to see a face I know I've seen before but can't remember the name. "Uh, Lucas," I guess slowly.

The man shakes his short brown hair and his shell turns blue. "Louis," he says shortly. "We did our case studies together," he continues taking a large drink from his cup.