Sensibility

Chapter 13

Exactly 10 minutes later, I walk up to Zayn's hotel door fidgeting with my zip up jacket. I had quickly rationalized that anything I wore wouldn't be good enough, so I slid on some comfy shorts, a tank top, and a jacket without a thought. I pulled back my always uncontrollable hair in a ponytail and made the walk over with confident strides. I wouldn't let my impulses have time to pull me back as I knocked on the door.

The door is pulled open almost instantly and my breath catches at his face once again. His hair is pushed back, standing on edge as usual. His features, bold and mysterious, are unnaturally symmetrical and appealing to my rapid heart. He is wearing a plain black shirt and sweatpants that hug his hips in all his godlike glory.

"Hey," he smiles letting the motion rise to his eyes.

"Hey," I repeat his greeting feeling lost for my own words.

He moves aside, and I slowly enter his presence once again. I try to wet my dry mouth as the door closes behind me. Then, I am cocooned in everything that is Zayn. The same wilderness scent fills me up, and my nerves start jumping at the familiarity. The association is the only thing my cavewomen subconscious needs to start extending her grimy hands towards him. Calm down, I command knowing she will quickly disobey.

"Do you want something to drink?" Zayn questions interrupting my inner battle for control.

"Um, water would be great," I answer.

He turns to a desk in the front of the room and grabs a plastic cup. Moving effortlessly, he fills it with ice from a bucket and water from the sink by the bathroom. He offers it to me with a grin, and I accept with a forced smile. "Thanks," I murmur taking a long drink. Before I know it, the cup is empty.

"More?" Zayn is laughing and I look up to catch his jubilant brown gaze.

"I'm fine," feeling the color of embarrassment rise to my cheeks. I place the empty cup back on the desk and turn to him.

"Look Nicole," he says running a hand through his hair. God, I love when he does that. "For us to get...for me and you to get involved like this, it isn't a good idea." He backs away a little towards the big bed on the opposite wall. "I'm not capable..."

"Why do you do that?" I say breaking his monologue and feeling a heavy weight build in my chest. His words were crushing me back into a hole. I bite the inside of my cheek and allow myself to close the gap between us.

"What?" He questions stopping his movements and standing before me. His eyes are searching and maybe I'm looking for something I want, but I swear they say 'come closer.'

I move closer. "Pull away from me, when I know you don't want to?" I question slowly as he scans my movement. Abruptly and for the first time, I know I'm reading him right because his mouth opens with a sigh.

"How do you know?" He questions as his body slumps.

"The things you do," I say bravely traveling closer to him. "When you say you need to protect me, the words you said last night." I know I'm right about this. Zayn wouldn't have agreed to 'talk sometime' if he didn't want to be around me. His back and forth with me was frustrating and tiring, but at this moment I understood it all. He did want me, but for some reason his own internal subconscious was holding him back. I didn't focus on the why of it all because selfishly I wanted him too much.

"I was drunk," he says quietly responding to my accusations.

"You were honest," I retort feeling confident and courageous for the first time in my life. This is what Zayn Malik does to me, and I am not going to let go so easily this time. I swallow and place my hand on his warm chest to feel his erratic breathing.